As the wind blows

It's a battle of free will. It's a battle for free will.

2010-02-25T23:50:00.000+05:30

In the darkest corner of my mind,
Lives a demon not so kind,
Seething with anger, breathing with angst,
Waiting to break the barriers of patience and trust.

Living in harmony with him,
Are my memories, the bad ones that is,
And an evil called temper, shows up on whim,
Together they seek to call my bluff - my inner peace.

With weapons of outbursts and silence that is poison,
They show their presence felt every time I see a horizon,
Go back to my shell I do when that happens,
Recluse is not just a word, but my world when that happens.

My mind churns out thoughts not so sublime,
Clouding my senses with dreams of nickle and dime,
Eating away what's left of my self respect,
Killing all the ideals, and principles of mine.

I fight hard to hold onto to those beliefs I have,
Of respect and honor, honesty and love,
Of the greatness of good and the goodness of great,
Of friendship, life and living it full.

Oh god I pray to thee, give me the power to be,
What I want to be, and not what others want me to be,
Grant me this one gift that I will,
And all I'm willing for is My Free Will.

I have always been kind of a loner. Not in the true sense of the word, but still my thoughts have always been different from others. I hate the "herd mentality", that feeling of going with the flow, pleasing others and living like others and seeking someone's approval. I, like many, have been fighting with myself, and with the conflicts in my mind, to maintain my individuality. I know this is a constant battle we wage, in our minds, with this whole world.

It's a battle of free will. It's a battle for free will.

A Walk to Remember! - Part I : The Humble Beginnings

2009-11-15T12:00:00.001+05:30

"Memories behave in a strange way. They leave you alone when you are in a crowd and crowd you when you are alone" - Anonymous

As I was climbing the Himalayas, one constant thought was whittling in my mind. If I were to die then and there, will anyone remember me? Will anyone remember my childhood days and feel nostalgic. Then it hit me. Who else other than me knows about my life? No one! All that I have gone through in my life, all my day to day experiences growing up are packed away into one corner of my mind and sealed away for the rest of my life. And it is fading too, my memory that is. What I remember now, I may forget years down the line. Once erased, no amount of "Cntrl + Z" is going to bring back those memories.

Although I have tried a couple of times, I have never been the dairy keeping kinds. So, there is no written proof of anything that I have experienced. For example, if I say today that I used to shoplift when I was in school, there is hardly any proof of that now. It's a secret (not anymore!) that I've kept to myself for a long time. Should all of this trapped memory wither away into thin air as time passes by?

Or more importantly, should all of you be depraved of getting a flashback glimpse of how I've lived my life so far?

Now that isn't fair for you people is it?

In all of this rambling, I do have a point (hoot!). As I was surrounded by all those wonderful snow clad mountains and lush green (or sometimes white!) landscape, I suddenly realized that I've failed myself miserably. I've failed to put my life experiences in writing. And my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. In midst of planning my future and making ends meet in my present, I don't want to miss out on my past. So, I decided to pen down all of those memories that have still not been wiped off. Hope to see myself reading this and reminiscing, sometime in the distant future.

To start with, this is what jogs my memory and hopefully, this will always keep me rooted to the ground, even when I reach the stars....

We come from a middle class background and until recently I seemed to have forgotten this! In fact one of the earliest memories that I have is of living in a small one bedroom rented house where in cockroaches, rats and lizards outnumbered us even before one started counting them. Not that it was unlivable. It was in fact quite a neat place thanks to my mom. But compared to the house that I live in today, it was in stark contrast to say the least. Living space apart, some of the best memories I have are the ones created in that same place. Here, I present to you, some of those memories. I have tried my best to place them in chronological order..

Circus Show!

I still remember all those childish things we did. Once, I remember that my cousin had come down to stay at our place, and me and her had this crazy idea of having a circus show inside our house. I remember that we had invited all my friends in the neighborhood for that show with the ticket priced at 25 paise :). What I also remember is that in one of the shows my cousin made me wear a saree and lipstick and pretend to be a girl! I guess we also did a play. It was hilarious I tell you. After the show, mom got really upset because my face was smeared with lipstick. But we enjoyed it as we got to buy candies with all the bounty that we had collected ;)

p.s: Even at that time, being a girl was considered circus worthy :P

Match Box Collection!

Another memory that I have of those early days is this crazy hobby that me and my neighbour had. We used to roam around all the places around our homes picking up used match boxes. And we did this for quite some time and should have collected more than a thousand varieties. The most vivid memory I have of this is the day when we set out on foot to Majestic Bus Stand. This was like a trip to Mecca for us! We left just after breakfast and by afternoon we were roaming around the streets of Prakash nagar. It was in this area (I think on Dr.Rajkumar road) that my friend found a bundle of crumpled notes worth 22 rupees (at that time we had 2 rupees note as well!). It was a big amount at that time and obviously he was very happy. But that ditcher didn't share the money with me and I was really pissed. But anyways, we continued our journey and reached majestic by late afternoon. We searched all over the place and managed to amass a huge wealth of empty match boxes. By the time we came back it was almost nightfall and we got the customary tongue-lashing from our parents. Well, they still didn't know that I had the bag with hundreds of matchboxes stuffed under the bed :D

Cigarette Dominoes!

[This beautiful photo is from Flightlessfoofaraw]

Although at that age we (me and that same neighbor friend of mine) had no clue what a domino is, we had our own version of it that we played with. We used to collect empty cigarette packets from the streets, abandoned sites, waste baskets etc...In fact one of our favorite source was the waste basket of one of the shops nearby our houses where there always seemed to be plenty of empty packs. Once we collected a reasonable number of packs, we used to arrange them in wavy lines, one next to each other until we were satisfied that we had a long enough line. This done, we would then watch in amazement as a small push on one side of the line would set in motion the concurrent tumbling of the packets which almost seemed magical. And our moms never used to complain when we brought home a bagful of empty cigarette boxes because we used to give them the golden or silver cigarette wrappers which they used in their handiwork or crafts that now adore the walls at our place!

Case of the missing Son!

One fine morning yours truly had breakfast and left home to play carom at a friend's place. The place was just about 300 meters from my place and it took me all of 5 minutes to reach it. But in my haste, I forgot to inform my parents where I was going. So while I was engrossed in a series of board pounding rounds, folks at my place started getting worried when I didn't show up for lunch. In that era of landlines-only, there was no way of keeping track of one's whereabouts, so the frantic calls were made only to the homes of known friends and neighbors. But unfortunately, the friend whose place I was at, was neither known to them nor was he our neighbor. So after hours of tensed moments, my dad finally decided to lodge a complaint with the police. All the neighbors and all nearby relatives came to our place and started consoling my mother. To my amusement, when I casually strolled into the passageway of our house in the evening, I saw a lot of people gathered inside the compound. And almost all of them seemed surprised to see me and just as I was about to enter the house, my father walked out, his face as tense as I had ever seen it to be, and gave a wonderful speech in full public view. My mother was more understanding and soon explained to me the events that had unfolded since afternoon. I came to know that if I had come home even 5 minutes late that day, my dad would have filed a "Missing Persons" report in the nearby police station! That day, I had to promise mom that I would always inform her before I leave the house.

Cricket Craze

In those times, there was no T-20, but we had our own version of it called "Short Cricket":) The rules for this version of the game were simple:

Each Team can be comprised of any number of players

The playing Area will be equivalent to the size of swimming pool :P

Every team will get to play anywhere between 2 to 10 overs depending on the availability of time :o

There is no bowling. The bowler will stand at crease and throw the ball at the batsmen (if he is smart enough he will throw it at the wicket!).

SIX is OUT!! If the ball goes directly over the boundary, then the batsman is OUT :D

Runs are scored in singles, twos and fours (threes' are non-existent in such short fields :D)

Ah Well... There were so many matches that we played, I can't distinguish one from the other. So many hours of my life spent in the playgrounds, roads, terraces, footpaths and gullies and all of it worthwhile. All that play has left a permanent mark on me in the form of a hard-earned sun burn :)

Housie Housie

You know how even as little kids, everyone wants to be treated like a grown up. It probably has something to do with one's psyche that being a grown up is somewhat better than being a kid. Well, you know better only after growing up into being one don't you?. But until then, that psyche remains. And true to this, I used to play "Housie" with a bunch of my cousins. We pretended to be all grown ups; moms and dads, sons and daughters and sometimes even grandmas and grandpas. We even used to have market places selling fake food grains, with plucked weeds substituting for staple, and small berries for fruits etc. Money was either various sized stones, or leaves or sometimes we just did bartering. I remember one time, on my sister's friends' terrace, we even experimented in cooking by boiling a whole handful of rice in a small pot using nothing more than a matchbox and a few dried leaves!! It was so much fun just acting a grown up. It ain't that much fun being one now...

Leap of Faith

There comes a time in everyone's life where he/she believes that anything is possible. Well, I was no different. I used to think of myself as some kind of an acrobat (and I was good at it too!). I remember one day when I had climbed one of the highwalls on the terrace at my grandmother's place possibly to prove to all my awestruck cousins as to how brave I was! Then, my brave self decided to jump from a height of 10 feet onto the ground instead of climbing it down. As soon as my feet touched ground, a jarring pain ripped through my leg and I shrieked out. I tried getting up but couldn't stand on my feet. Then my mother came up and helped me stand up. It was still paining when my mom helped me walk down the stairs and finally we went to a doctor who informed us that it was just a sprain and thankfully not a fracture. My mom kept a close watch on me and made sure I didn't do any monkey acts again...And speaking of monkey acts......

The Monkey Act

[this beautifully timed pic is by me]

If I think about it now, it feels like I had lots of free time during my childhood. And the one thing I made sure I did whenever I was free was to roam around the streets: sometimes searching for matchboxes, sometimes for cigarette boxes and other times just for the plain fun of it. And I never did it alone. There was always one or the other fellow aficionados who would join me in my search for excitement. On some of these jaunts we used to roam around streets looking for houses with a mango or a guava tree. I can remember one particular house very vividly. It was owned by a Muslim family and they had a big guava tree in their front yard. I used to love climbing up that tree and pluck guavas off the branches. It didn't matter if the fruits were raw or ripe; all that mattered was that feeling of getting up there, on our own, plucking them one by one and throwing them down where friends would be waiting with their outstretched hands, ready to catch and pocket them. It used to give us a lot of excitement not to mention the false sense of bravery, what with braving the irate house owners irk!

To be Contd...

The Little Dragon

2009-10-18T17:47:00.002+05:30

[Photo taken at Kaoh Sok National Park, Phuket, Thailand]

Dreamgirl

2009-10-16T21:37:00.016+05:30

I wake up to the ending note of this song,
The song that my dreams are made of.
In that lives an angel of mine,
Has hummed her way into my heart, she has.

She talks to me of things I want to listen,
And some that she wants to be heard for,
Of things that may not make sense to all,
But all the sense in the world for me they are.

She sings to me in the sweetest of voices,
Her words carry the deepest meaning of all,
And as she pauses to take a breath so precious,
The world freezes in time as if to take a bow.

She holds my hand and leads me on a walk,
Under a moonlit sky where the stars do stalk,
Each step we take reaffirms my faith in love and fate,
She pledges herself to me, Says she's forever mine.

But then I wake up and realize the song has ended,
And I'm sad that the angel has gone.
But then I realize my search also has ended,
And I'm glad I've found my angel, baby, You're the one.

The Solemn Swing

2009-04-01T22:11:00.004+05:30

I swing, and swing and swing away my blues,
And surprise myself by finding comfort in recluse.
With the solemn swing taking its place in my thoughts,
My fear and my anxiety are splattered in hues.

Without saying a word, I shout out my thoughts,
At last I am able to connect all the dots.
I make peace with the ever pushing winds,
At last I am not a part of the 'have nots'.

I swing, and swing and swing away my blues,
And surprise myself by finding comfort in recluse.
With the solemn swing taking its place in my thoughts,
My fear and my anxiety are splattered in hues.

-- Photo Taken at Nisargadhama, Coorg

5 Better Ways to utilize your Meeting Time!

2009-03-09T22:21:00.014+05:30

We all know how wonderfully boring it is to sit in a meeting where all people do is nothing but ramble and ramble all day about pointless points. Hell, in the cosmic sense, things discussed in such meetings probably have .00000000000000000000000000000000000001% significance! (quote inspired from a famous Calvin strip).

So in the spirit of brotherly love and sharing, caring and all other things un-gayishly inbetween, I decided to compile a list of ways in which one can utilize the time spent in meetings; better. Here goes my list of 5 ways to better utilize your time in meetings:

1.
Since you already have a pen with you (assuming that you are one of those who goes to meetings with a pen and a book. If you are not, then skip to point 2), you can draw caricatures with that on an empty sheet of paper. Some of you ungrateful ones may say, 'Well duh! That we already do!!'. Hey, I know you guys do it! But can you do this?

Note: This technique is highly recommended for those who are searching for a legal ways of vaporizing bosses. However , if this doesn't work, then you can purchase that vaporizer at http://megachromatovaporizer4bosses.com

2.
Assuming that you would have gone out to take that pen and book after looking at option 1 (for those who still don't have a book and a pen, go to option 3), open the last page of the book, and start writing the screen play & dialogues for the climax of a classic movie where your boss is the hero:

Gabbar (You): Naach Basanthi Naach!!

Basanthi (your friendly neighbor-cubicle babe): Anything for you Gabbar Darling! (She approaches the nearest pole).

Veeru (Your Boss): Basanthi..In kutto ke saamne mat naachna!

Basanthi: Mein aapke saamne thodi hi naach rahi hoon.. ?

You: Aiyya Veerudu. I am ready, The girl is ready. What is your probelm?

Your Boss: Basanthi ke pas kya hein jo mujhme nahin? Kyu uske peeche bhag rahe ho?

You (confirmed that your boss swings all ways!): Uske paas ek cheez hein jo tumhare paaas nahin hein. In fact, uske paas do cheez hein jo tumhare paas nahin hein.

Your Boss: (Cheeks pink with blush) : You mean her ....?

You: Yes I mean her.... Head and the brain inside it.

Basanthi impressed by your wit comes running to you and you both elope to the nearest coconut grove to make lo....errr... sing a duet.

Your boss approaches the nearest Pole!

--The End--

3.
Assuming that Option 2 would have brought out the creativity in you and you would have excused yourself from the meeting and got the book and the pen (for those of you who don't believe in this pen business, go to option 5), open any page of the book (the relative position of the page is of no interest to the Vaastu Gods) and start writing a small poem to describe your situation:

As the gentle but strong winds blow,
My mind wanders and my strained thoughts flow,
Wonder they do what would have happened if,
I had an extra pen, I would've probably color coded this.

(After some search you find that extra pen and you use that as well for adding the artist's touch to your poem)

As the fire in me burns, and forms ashes of my patience,
I use this second pen to calm my nerves and quell my impatience,
But then I use the first one again, and the fire is ignited again,
And by the time I finish this line, I will be impatient again.

-- Chandan

4.
Tear some sheets from the book and use your Kindergarten Crafts knowledge (in case you don't have one, then use your jazzy phone to call one of your kindergarten cousins for help!) to make boats out of those sheets. Statistically speaking, the number of boats that you make should be equal to the number of sheets that you tore (But don't worry about statistics now...that's for the other people listening to the presentation). Anyways, once you make suitable number of boats, number them starting from 1 and write the numbers on the back of each boat. Now pass one boat to each of the people sitting in the meeting and ask them to hold the boat upside down and see the number.

Once they see the number, ask them to memorize it. This step is important as this is the point where in, they will stop listening to the guy giving the presentation and start concentrating on your boats. Once all of them seemed to have memorized their numbers, take back the boats and shuffle them. Again pass the boats to each of them and ask to see if any of them have got the same number again, If they have, then they are out and they can no longer participate in this game but instead have to go back to listening to the presentation.

Continue game until only one person is left or the meeting time is over. Whichever comes first.

Note: For increased participation, clearly tell them what the losers have to do. You will automatically see a dramatic increase in the number of people getting different boat numbers each time!

5.
If you still haven't, then go and get that pen and book........NOW!

GO TO STEP1;

END;

p.s: Thought of this post while sitting in one such boring meetings. Hope you guys will find this useful some day :D

Guns N Roses

2009-02-07T23:56:00.003+05:30

Just like some secrets should never be told, some promises should never be broken. Guns and Roses. His wife would always say that. Not because that was his favorite band, although he did like a couple of their songs. No, she said that whenever she was in one of her philosophical moods.

‘It’s like Guns and Roses’.

‘What is?’, he would ask her innocently although he knew what her reply would be.

‘Everything in this world. There are only two things that people understand. Violence and love. Take my tailor for example.’

‘Oh Boy, here we go again’.

‘You remember I had given him a couple of clothes to stitch about two months back. All this while, I used to ask him nicely if they were done. But they were never done, were they? So last week I decided enough is enough and blasted him. Told him if I did not have those clothes in a week, then I will find a different tailor and ask all my friends to do the same. And voila! He stitched them within three days’.

‘So you mean to say Gun’s the only way?’

‘Honey. People don’t want roses no more. Their skin is too thick to be pricked by them thorns’.

‘See that’s where I think you are wrong. There are sometimes, when roses work. Like when you tell an employee that you think he is good which would make him feel good coming to office, like when you tell a cobbler you walk a mile to get your shoes shined just by him which would make him shine it up little more..’

‘And like when you say I am a sweet heart which would make me bring you your cup of coffee?’

‘Something like that’, he grinned.

‘Ok I concede!! Its not always guns. Roses too. But then you will have to promise me one thing’.

‘Anything hon’.

‘Promise me I will always get the roses from you’.

‘Aye Aye’, they both laughed.

But that promise was not to be kept. Not that he had done anything wrong. He was always there for her and never let anything happen to her. But these bastards, they were the ones who had taken him away from her.

‘Open up! Let me out!!! Let me out you sons of bitches!!’, he shouted.

It was useless he knew. They would never listen. They never did. They had locked him up in this cellar about a year back and ever since then, all they ever did was torture him. Once or twice in a day, one of them would walk into the room with a plate full of shit. Then he or she would tie him to the bed and force that junk into his mouth. They would shout, yell and sometimes beat him up if he refused. Other than that, they would let him be by himself. They did try a couple of times to kill him. Once they had brought in a strange looking guy with skeletons hanging around his neck, a tattoo on his forearm and 240 volt electrodes in his hands. He remembered how scared he was that day; He had really thought they would kill him. The bone chilling pain that he had experienced when the current passed through him lasted for a whole week’s time. Ever since that, he had learnt not to cross their line. He had also learnt one more thing that day. That these people dint want to kill him. They wanted him alive.

But he couldn’t understand what they wanted from him. They never told him anything except for asking about his wife. This had initially scared him. Soon that fear had turned into rage. He would thrash the food, claw the hands of his perpetrators and beat the shit out of anyone who tried to come near him, because he thought these people were going to hurt his wife just the way they had tortured him. It was after one of those thrashings that he had been subjected to torture. But now, after much thinking, he realized that they would not hurt his wife. Then what was it that they wanted?

He looked around his cramped room. It was a twenty by twenty dingy little place with no windows or cupboards. The only piece of furniture in the room was the small bed that was forced to one corner of the room. And the only light in the room came from below the steel door. From time to time he would try to guess the time of day by looking at the intensity of the light that entered through the door. But he would fail each time without being sure if the shadow falling on that light was caused by sunlight or the light from one of those hallway bulbs.

He did not like the room. He wanted to get out. He would do anything to get out of this place. Anything they asked for! If only they told him what they wanted!! Just when he thought there was no one to hear his cries, he heard footsteps. It sounded like they were coming to his room. He went up to the door, bent down and with his mouth to the gap beneath the door, he shouted:

‘Open up! Let me out!!! Let me out you sons of bitches!!’

He looked down the door again to see if they had heard him and saw feet approaching his room but then taking a turn and moving away. They would never listen. They never did. They did not know how it was to stay away from a loved one. He wished they would burn to death or get shot in their head!

‘It’s Guns for you, you bastards!’ he shouted out loudly. And then he laughed. Laughed because he didn’t’ know what else to do. He had pretty much used up all his tears and there were no more to shed. He laughed and then he cried. Fresh tears came out and he allowed them to wash his face. He was now howling.

Outside the door, the two interns were doing their night rounds when they happen to hear the howling.

‘What was that?’, asked one of them.

‘That’s Rahul, one of the mentally unstable ones. He cries every night. Don’t worry; he will stop after some time.’

‘What’s his story?’

‘Well from what we know, it seems that he was pretty tight with his wife. About two years back his wife was diagnosed with Cancer. She had fought it hard for close to a year. They tried all kinds of treatments: medications, chemo therapy and all. But in the end she couldn’t fight it any more. She died about a year back. It was totally devastating for him. He couldn’t take the pain and started believing that she was still alive. You should have seen him the day we brought him here. He had severe blood shot eyes; cut wrists and a stink of urine. It took us ages to clean him up.’

‘Man. Must have been really hard on him’.

‘You bet. He didn’t take any food for a week. Kept throwing the plates. Kept on yelling that we were feeding him shit. That’s when we had to give him the shock therapy. After that, he has at least started taking food. But he is a long way from recovering though. Still keeps telling that his wife is alive, and something about Guns and Roses and how his roses still protect his wife from the guns and some crap like that.’

‘Poor guy. Hope he gets better.’

‘Yep. Anyways, we have our jobs to do. You start in room 102 today and mine is 103. See you at dawn’.

‘Aye Aye Sir’.

30 QTag

2009-01-28T12:15:00.006+05:30

I picked up this tag from Sailor. Let's see how many of these questions I can answer honestly!

1)What is your occupation?
SE cum Code Coolie. And yeah, I am also responsible for wiping my clients you-know-what.
2)What colour are your socks now?
Between Black and Grey. Strange color you might ask. That's what happens to black socks after 2 years :D
3)What are you listening to now?
A.R. Rehman ('Masakali' from Delhi-6, 'Jai-Ho' from Slumdog, 'Kaise-Mujhe' from Ghajini)
4)What was the last thing you ate?
At the time of posting this.....Methi Roti for Breakfast
5)Can you drive a stick shift?
Yep. And would you believe it... I can fly those things :P
6)Last person you spoke to on phone?
My Mom
7)Do you like the person who sent you this?
Who Sailor? He is strange, irritable and rants all the time... Well duh! I can see myself in him :D
8)How old are you today?
24 Y, 8 M exactly! (my bday is on 28th May)
9)What is your favourite sport to watch on TV?
Football
10)What are your favourite drinks?
Anything that doesnt have pesticide in it.
11)Have you ever dyed your hair ?
Nope.
12)Favourite food?
Anything prepared by Mom
13)Last movie watched?
Raaz
14)Favourite day of the year?
May 28th :)
15)How do you vent out your anger?
Meditation or writing a blog post. Recently have devised a new strategy to count my fingers backwards. Try it. hold you right hand in the front, fingers stretched and palm facing your face. Now fold your thumb and say 1. Next fold your little finger and say 2. Proceed till only one finger is left streched :)
16)Favourite toy as a child?
I believe it was my sister :D Yeah i know, i am a very bratish brother :D
17)Favourite season?
Winter, I love the Cold.
18)Do you want your friends to email you?
Yes. Especially those forwards... keep 'em coming..
19)When was the last time you cried?
No comment.
20)What is on the floor of your closet?
My old Jersey, an abandoned badminton racket, an iron box which I rarely use and some books which i don't remember reading.
21)Who is the friend you have had the longest?
Gopi and KS.. since 11th
22)What did you do last night?
Slept rather uncomfortably with an aching back :(
23)What are you most afraid of?
Water and Waves
24)Plain,cheese or spicy hamburger?
None
25)Favourite dog breed?
Labrador
26)Favorite day of the week?
Sunday... No better day for lazing around..
27)How many states have you lived in?
Let's see here: Depressed, Pain, Sad, Anger, Dull, Happy, Excited, Over-Excited, Orgasmic etc..
28)Diamond or pearl?
(They sound like two programming languages) Neither!!
29)What is your wish for this new year?
1. I somehow manage to get a lot of money
2. Find a permanent cure to boredom
3. World Peace!! .........Nah..Make peace with myself
30)New year resolutions?
Click Here

Now I tag any of those reading this...(esp. Rahul, Srivatsa, Vasishta, Manjunath, and Bhumika) :)

The Window to my Life

2009-01-16T13:51:00.014+05:30

‘I can see light!’ exclaimed he with delight,
The joy on his face was worth all days that were night.
After a long time had his lips curved the other way around,
He had found his window after an ordeal of solitude-abound.

The light was inviting and carried with it a luring vision,
A vision that bespoke of ever lasting happiness and fun,
Of long walks, cosy dinners and night strolls,
Of adoring looks, sweet talks and friendly brawls.

The light was hope, that which he had given up on,
A hope that glimmered, leaving the darkness bygone.
It was hope, that which he had banished from his heart,
A hope that flickered the feelings of being torn apart.

The wind played its part by gently nudging him forward,
‘Take a look outside’, it whispered without speaking a word.
He heeded to the voice that echoed in his ears,
And slowly began to erase the memories and fears.

As he inched closer and closer to the light,
He could see more and more of life with each sight.
As he cradled the sill, he took in the vision in all its bright,
Atlast the light was in him for he was in light.

‘I can see light!’ exclaimed he with delight,
The joy on his face was worth all the days that were night.
After a long time had his lips curved the other way around,
He had found his window after an ordeal of solitude-abound.

This poem is an alter-emotion to the earlier poem called Solitude. While Solitude talked of the darker days in my life, in this poem I have tried to capture the transition from solitude to light. Hope you liked it!

Happy New Year!!

2008-12-31T18:16:00.009+05:30

The Resolution Saga continues....

There is an age old adage that goes something like this:

“The only way to make sure a resolution is kept up is to procrastinate it honestly and often” - Some Wise Man

So heeding to the profound wisdom above, and with much respect to the man who said it in the first place, I have decided to carry forward my resolutions from 2008 to this year. (You may ask me “What about the ones from the previous years?”. Well, I came across this proverb only recently and besides, I have no recollection of my resolutions for the previous years!) .

Last Year Resolutions (LYR):

Record 10 Songs (in my voice)
Decide on CAT/GRE
Join a GYM

New-year Vision Resolutions (NVR):

Record 10 songs (in my voice)
Join Guitar Classes
Decide on CAT
Re-join GYM

In the spirit of hope, faith and everything inbetween, I hereby announce the start of ‘Resolutions LYR (pronounced Ly~ur)’ and ‘Resolutions NVR (pronounced Nay-were)’!!

Prison Break - Episode 1

2008-12-27T22:27:00.005+05:30

Innocent Until Proven Guilty:

What Lies Beneath! - A True Story

2008-12-09T14:03:00.025+05:30

Preface: A Sindhi Affair!

Before we get to the crux of this POST(which is well highlighted in the title), let me try to give this post a proper start!

Recently, me and three of my friends traveled all the way from Bangalore to Athani (Near Bijapur) to attend one of our best friend's wedding. The wedding must have been a typical Sindhi Affair (I say must have been because I don't have any other reference Sindhi wedding to compare it against!) given the fact both the grooms and both the brides were Sindhis and what better way to marry off Sindhis than to have a typical Sindhi wedding (wah!). Forgive my poor jokes for my humor is broke!

For those of you who read past my humour, you might have noticed that I mentioned two grooms and two brides? Yes, this wedding was very unique from all the other few weddings that I have attended. This was a wedding of two brothers (with different brides of course) one of whom was our best friend.

There you go! Now isn't that a proper start? Nope? I know I know. I am a little rusty. Please bear with me. Let's see if I can capture your attention for a little more time....

Note: The following is a chance discovery of cleverly concealed deceptions and untold truths by a group of smart, intelligent, inquisitive and curious youths. Any resemblance to any other similar discoveries made by anyone else in the world should be treated as heights of coincidence!

The Secrets of the Tomb!

The four of us left Bangalore on Friday night and reached Bijapur on Saturday Morning. We finished up our breakfast and, since the wedding ceremonies were to start only in the evening, we decided we had enough time to visit the world famous Gol Gumbaz. So, the four of us took(I mean boarded) an autorickshaw and arrived at Gol Gumbaz, just like any other normal tourists, completely oblivious to the mysteries that destiny would have us unravel.

"Gol Gumbaz is the mausoleum of Mohammed Adil Shah (1627-57) of the Adil Shahi dynasty of Indian sultans, who ruled the Sultanate of Bijapur from 1490 to 1686."

Well that is what Adil Shah wanted everyone to believe. But I am about to reveal to you, one of the best kept secrets of the world. The catastrophes that would befall on the four of us for revealing this secret, is unknown. But in the spirit of RTIA(Right to Information Act 2005) and a general sense of VALIANCE, we have decided to brave all the bad omens (some of which include ,us turning into pigs, us getting mauled by angry cows etc.. ) and share this secret with you........

Real Identity of Adil Shah... Or shall we say Adil Shahi?

When we entered the main edifice of Gol Gumbaz that was the tomb, undercurrents of skepticism crept up into the deep recesses of our inquisitive minds and slowly but surely we became convinced that something was not quite right.
For instance:

The actual tomb that was present in the center was too small for Adil Shah (as we would discover after seeing his pictures later).
There were these openings in the floor which revealed a huge Cellar underneath (if it was indeed a tomb, then why a cellar underneath? Unless.......yeah i know.... what? oh yeah.. unless they wanted enough space underneath to visit the tomb once in a while.. more on this later...)
The Whispering Gallery on the Top of the dome (the one in which even whispers can be heard from one end to the other end) was very out of place for a mausoleum. Later we found out that this was built so as to divert attention from a different place (again..more on this later)

The reasons were there..not apparent to the naked eyes may be, but these were evidence enough for keen observers like us to question the authenticity of information in the history books(it's a different thing that no one remembers them anyway.. but still!).

After having left the Gol Gumbaz with potent skepticism, we were walking back to the gates, when by sheer chance, we spotted the Archaeological Museum which was conveniently hidden away in front of the Gol Gumbaz. All of us unanimously decided to venture into the depths of this museum in the hope of discovering (or rather re-discovering) the truths of the Tomb.
What followed next was a series of revelations in the form of hidden clues in symbols, pictures, crockery, paintings, maps, stone statues etc....The first of these clues was an engraving that we saw etched into some of the stone statues. Here is a rough sketch of what we saw:

I know it is a little hard to understand for us non-artists given the abstract nature of the art, but let me try to give you a toned-down, simplistic explanation of the art. In-fact, we had more than one explanation for what these symbols represent:

On the Day of the Full Sun and Half Moon, go to the place where there is Linga and you will find your next clue.
The three symbols represent the three prominent religions/beliefs that were prevalent during the Adil Shahi period- Islam (crescent moon) , Hindu (Linga) and a third previously and currently unknown (Full moon.. a bit like Priori of Scion).

In fact, in one of the Historical Maps that was also showcased in the museum, we tried to find a place where there was Linga, but alas, there were none which matched the description from the symbols.Just when we were thinking of giving up, we came across this Advanced version of the symbols in a few of the stone structures:

I say Advanced because of the addition of living creatures into what is primarily a metaphorical symbolism of non-living..err...things. What captured our attention was the striking disparity between the features of the mama animal and the baby animal. The mama animal looked like a one-horned Unicorn while the baby animal looked like a fusion of various different forms of creatures. This horrifying image was our clue#1.

We then moved onto the first floor, the technicolor images of the mama & baby animal still firmly etched in our minds, when we happened to discover the painting of Chand BiBi - the apparent wife of Adil Shah. Rahul, one of my fellow aficionados in mystery fictions, pointed out the slightly mannish features of the person in the painting. Also, the name Chand had a resonating effect in our minds. Could this be a subtle reference to the symbol of Crescent Moon ? This was our clue#2.

Finally after covering almost the entire first floor, we came across the Armor section, where, to our utter shock and disbelief, was displayed the Armor of Adil Shah.

It was a women's Armor!

The shape, size and indention at curious spots were unmistakable. It was indeed a women's Armor. This formed our final clue - clue#3.

As we were getting down from the first floor of the Museum, we put our heads together and tried to crack all the clues.

Clue #1: Baby Animal looking out of place and different from Mama Animal

Clue #2: Chand Bibi the apparent wife of Adil Shah had slightly mannish but mainly womannish features as pointed out in the pics.

Clue #3: Women's Armor for Adil Shah.

We put two and two together (actually 1, 2 and 3 together) and...... the conclusion was ground breaking and unanimous..... Adil Shah was not Adil Shah. He was in fact Adil Shahi!

There was no Chand Bibi. It was a fictitious character created to hide the ignominy that would destroy the Shahis. We confirmed this by looking at the Family Tree of the Shahis. What we saw there was both shocking and substantiating at the same time. Below Adil Shah, we saw entries marked D, D, S , S which was an abbreviation for Daughters and Sons UNKNOWN!

We ran back down to the ground floor and looked all around to see if there were any more clues, any more leads, anything that would lead us to the final truth of this whole Masquerade and lo behold, standing right at the center of the museum was a 20 feet long majestic cylindrical structure (mimicking a rather rotund woman) - THE TRUE TOMB OF ADIL SHAHI a.k.a CHAND BIBI!

We had tears in our eyes. We looked at each other in both amazement and a sense of elation. We slowly walked out of the Museum with a new found knowledge and rib cracking laughters...

Epilogue:

As I post this today, I don't know what fate holds out for me. I don't know if what I did is right or wrong. I just wanted to share this information with all of you irrespective of the consequences. If ever, the bad omens catch up to me and I turn into a pig or get mauled by a cow, promise me that you will pass this information onto more people. Because pigs can get rather lonely :D

Disclaimer: A work of pure fiction and non-sensical imagination. If I have offended the sentiments of anyone, I apologize.

Sunny Tales

2008-12-04T22:10:00.000+05:30

Endless Means and Meaningless Ends

2008-11-27T20:53:00.006+05:30

There are few things in this world which are truly sad. So sad that you would want to cry your heart out. Non-stop. Until you drown yourself in those tears.

There are few things in this world which are truly bad. So bad that you want to rip someone's heart out to see if it too "beats". Kill them with your bare hand. Without remorse. Again and Again.

And what happened today in Mumbai is both bad and sad at the same time. Although we have been witness to such heinous acts before, this kind of brazen attack is perhaps a first in the country.

And attack for what purpose? Land? Religion?..... Jihad?

As meaningless a cause as they sound to be, these are strong fuels for hatred and fanaticism. Enough fuel to burn down a whole nation. The surreality of this whole "cause" that terrorists seem to derive motivation from, makes me question the sanity of these people. I mean, are these reasons good enough to take innocent lives? Do these "ends" justify their means ?

Seriously? Common!! What is wrong with you people?

For all I know, in this strife between man and man, there are no "ends" or "means". All we, as a country, are left with is a bunch of endless means (Terror attacks) and meaningless ends (loss of innocent lives).

My heart goes out for those who lost their lives in Mumbai today.
May your souls rest in peace...

The Dance of Fall

2008-11-23T01:25:00.003+05:30

Note:

Falling leaves have always captured my attention. In fact, one of my favorite opening phrase (which given a chance, I would use in every single poem!) has always been 'As the wind blows', which again is closely tied to my fascination with falling leaves. By now, you guys are well aware of my absurdities, so it should come as no surprise to you that I decided to write a poem on falling leaves..I have used simple metaphors to bring out the irony of the "falling" leaves' "rejoice"... You will have to make that connection to truly appreciate this poem :)

[Photo Courtesy: Google Image Search]

The leaves merry around the swiveling air,
Dancing to the tune that he prepares,
Seemingly blissful in their joyful yonder,
They do make me yearn in sinful wonder.

There is a certain rejoice in their fall,
As though all the time in this world is theirs to stall,
And with a grace matched only by their sway,
They dance to the rhythm, while death keeps at bay.

A sudden gush lifts them up to greater heights,
They feel all lighter, much to their delights,
They brush aside wisps of dust off their backs,
And fly higher and higher, mimicking the windy clacks.

But then strikes death with a sudden whip,
The wind beneath them moves on, giving them a slip,
They dance their last dance as they sway their last sway,
And their last few steps, they just wiggle away.

As I watch them gently touch ground,
I can't help but gape and wonder astound,
"If a leaf can enjoy it's brief freedom with such gusto,
Why cant't we enjoy ours, with much the same glow?"

There is a lesson to be learnt by us all,
From the leaves that dance while they fall,
If we could smile our way through worries and stand tall,
Then we would have learnt that dance - "The Dance of Fall".

Urban Tales - The Elevator

2008-11-14T14:21:00.014+05:30

The elevator squeaked and droned, as if annoyed at being woken up from its slumber. I could hear that annoyance in its voice, as it rose up angrily and noisily, menacing its way up through the free space, that was its shackles.

‘Shit! This is gonna take forever. I wish I could just take the stairs!’, I cursed to myself. But after the accident that had broken my leg and weakened my knees, my doctor had advised me to avoid taking stairs as much as possible.

And thirteen floors of stairs was ‘much’!!

Finally, the elevator stopped its ascent, and, with a speed that rivaled the saunter of a one-legged tortoise, opened up its doors to reveal the most beautiful face that I had ever seen in my life.

‘Hello?? Are you ok?’

Her words brought me out of my daze and I mumbled something in return. She in turn looked at my crutch and gave a sympathetic smile, forming that perfect curve with those wonderful lips. I dropped my gaze, lest she thought of me as some pervert, and stepped into the elevator.

As the doors closed, I could feel the air around me getting a little warmer and my heart started to beat a little faster. A drop of sweat appeared on my forehead, as if put there, magically, to complete the picture of bewitchment on my face. I looked at her face to check if she had sensed my discomfort, but she seemed oblivious to it. The elevator doors closed, and in its characteristic nonchalance, it started its lumber to the pits. Meanwhile the silence between us grew heavier and heavier. I was thinking of some witty line to break the ice, when suddenly she spoke up.

‘I thought I was the only one working so late. You new to this company? I have never seen you around before’.

Well I did have a mathematical answer for that. Each floor in our company had about two hundred people working in various shifts, with almost sixty percent of them thirty-something men like me. And with a total of seventeen floors in this building, there were roughly two thousand faces like me. There were just too many faces to look at, leave alone remembering them.

But somehow, I thought giving a mathematical answer was not the best of ways to make a first impression. So, instead, I chose to give a non-committal reply.

‘Well. I guess we might have crossed paths before’.

I thought it was a pretty good attempt and it sounded witty too! But she just nodded her head and turned her face to the other side. Meanwhile, the elevator made its customary stop at the twelfth floor. It had been almost two years since this new office was built, and by now, people were convinced that this elevator had some defect in it, which made it to stop at every floor of the building.

‘It’s not safe to take this elevator. Especially at night times, she whispered slowly.
Her sudden change in demeanor caught me off guard.

‘Do you know it could even prove to be fatal?’

‘Gulp.. What is she talking about?’, I started feeling a little nervous.

‘About two years back, one of the employees who was working very late, took this same elevator and when it was somewhere at the ninth floor, the cable snapped and the elevator just plunged down and hit the floor. The next morning, they found the body. The whole face was mangled up and was barely recognizable. Ever since that, a lot of people believe that this elevator is haunted…………... What do you think?’

If she was trying to scare me, she was doing a pretty good job. I looked at her neck, to see if there were any marks or something. I am not sure why, but somehow I started to believe that this elevator was indeed haunted.

‘May be’, I managed to feign a composed response.

She again turned her face to the front. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. We were approaching the ninth floor now. She looked at me now and then looked at the display panel. The number 9 was displayed in blood red….

I could feel the hair on my back stand up. I was sweating profusely now.

‘Are you getting afraid?’, she asked me in a tone which made it sound more like a threat than a concern.

‘No no. I don’t believe in ghosts.’

‘Really? How come? For all you know that ghost could be standing right next to you’.

She said it with such sincerity that I couldn’t help but feel scared, my nerves tingling with apprehension. I closed my eyes and started praying to god. I did not want to spend any more time in this elevator.

‘Open your eyes. We have reached the ground fl….Hello?? Where did you go?............Oh my god!! You are...??’

I opened my eyes and much to my astonishment, I was greeted by the sight of my own cubicle. I looked to my right and the girl was not there. Somehow, in the split second between hearing her last words and opening my eyes, she had vanished. But it was over now.

'Just like Ground Hog Day', I mumbled to myself as the reality of the situation sunk in.

I looked at my monitor and it stared back at me, angrily, as if annoyed at having been deserted. Having accepted the bitter truth, I stepped out of the elevator. And with each step that I took, the memory of the girl began to erase itself, cell by cell, until I reached my cubicle when the memory faded completely. The monitor was calling me now. I had to test my code. I had a deadline to meet. I sat on the chair and switched on my monitor.

Epilogue:

I had been working very late. I was supposed to finish testing my code. The clock on my monitor reminded me that it was waaay past bed time. No wonder I was felling all lazed up. I decided to retreat for the day and get back to the boxing the next day.

‘Nothing like getting punched by one’s work!’, I muttered to myself.

I shut off my monitor and made myself down to the elevator lobby. I could not hear or see anyone else in the building.

‘Just my luck’, I thought to myself as I called the Elevator.

The elevator squeaked and droned, as if annoyed at being woken up from its slumber. I could hear that annoyance in its voice, as it rose up angrily and noisily, menacing its way up through the free space, that was its shackles.

‘Shit! This is gonna take forever. I wish I could just take the stairs!’, I cursed myself. But after the accident that had broken my leg and weakened my knees, my doctor had advised me to avoid taking stairs as much as possible.

And thirteen floors of stairs was ‘much’.

Finally, the elevator stopped its ascent, and, with a speed that rivaled the saunter of a one-legged tortoise, opened up its doors to reveal the ugliest looking guy that I had ever seen in my life.

‘Hi. Going down?’…………..

Author’s Note:
For those of you who are wondering what is so special about this post, go back and read it again… this time, very carefully and tell me, is there actually a ghost in the elevator?

Sin 7 - Wrath

2008-10-12T22:03:00.011+05:30

Definition: Wrath (or anger) may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. These feelings can manifest as vehement denial of the truth, both to others and in the form of self-denial, impatience with the procedure of law, and the desire to seek revenge outside of the workings of the justice system (such as engaging in vigilantism) and generally wishing to do evil or harm to others.

TERRORISM V/S. RELIGION...

Preface…

‘Nostalgia. So this is how it feels like’, he thought. The stink of body odor – the result of too many people stuffed in this cramped place without a proper air-conditioning system, made him nauseous just like it had before. He did realize that there was a fan in the ceiling. But its slow twirling made little difference to the room’s coolness or the lack of it. From the corner of his eye, he could make out the stack of worn out files on the corner shelf, arranged in a manner which defied all principles of accessibility. The guns hanging on the far wall looked old enough to be remnants of some riot during the first revolution of Indian Independence and he was sure those barrels had never seen a bullet graze through them in their lifetime. Hopefully these khakhi clad men were at least adept at using them.

Khakhi! That which he had once loathed with venomous hatred. That same khakhi which once had remanded him for a petty robbery and beat him up for no good reason. That same khakhi which had made him turn a terrorist was now sitting all around him waiting for him to speak. And boy did he have things to say!

‘There are fifteen in total. All of them are in a small hut near the Kalmati village. You will find that some of them have boxes of sweets in their hands. They really thought I would plant the explosives. Those bastards thought that I would kill my own countrymen!’ Salim was exasperated to the point of betrayal. He was one of them, a so called fanatic who had been trained to spread mayhem on the streets of this country. They had thought him how to fire a gun, how to make a drop, how to avoid the attention of the ever gawking eyes of the street vendors, how to evade the khakhi clad men, and everything else there was to be learnt for being one of them. And he had willfully learnt all of that because he had come to believe that it was the only way that he could beat the system...

Flashback…..

‘Jihad, my friend, is the only answer to the injustice done to us. For years, we have been pacified by void promises and false hopes. We have been denied our rights at every step, and have been reeling under the pressure of successive pro-hindu governments. Now, it’s time for revenge and its time to take back what is rightfully ours. Come join us and together we will teach this country a lesson they shall never forget’.

Those words had enticed Salim to join the group. He had truly believed in those words. Years of being treated like a nobody had left with a lot of suppressed rage and hatred. And so teaching this country a lesson sounded like the right thing to do. He had thought that he had finally found a reason to live….

The ensuing months saw him being trained in a variety of things: from handling an AK-47 to hurling grenades, from evading the police to permeating into the crowd, from making drops to being a scout, and everything that one needed to know about jihad. After months of rigorous training, he got his first assignment. He was to make drops in six places in the country’s capital on the nation’s most revered day – August 15th.

And Salim had dutifully agreed to the plan and was on his way to the first of the bombing sites when he spotted him…..

He couldn’t move. He held his gaze and squinted his eyes until the sight was clear. Yes, it was indeed him, his little baadshah, his son. For thirteen months he had been away from his family, and not even once had tried to contact them. That was the unwritten rule of living the life of a martyr - he must renounce all materialistic pleasures and cut all ties with his family. So in these thirteen months he had not seen or heard from his family. Neither his wife nor son was aware of his whereabouts or knew what he was doing. He was sure that he would not see them again in his life and it was for the best.

The little baadshah was running around with his friends, carrying a small tri-colored flag in his hand and waving it with joy. It took Salim just seconds to contemplate the irony of this. Here he was, ready to murder hundreds of people and cause mayhem on the streets; the same streets on which he grew up and lived for thirty three years, the same streets on which he had walked everyday to the mosque to pray, and the same streets on which his son was now merrily waving the flag and playing with friends oblivious to what is going to happen next.

The sight hit him and it hit him hard. The tri-colored flag in his son’s hand, that pride in his son’s eyes that smiled a childish smile, that innocence in his boyish face that reflected Salim’s own past. Flashes of memory took him to his own childhood, and he remembered how he used to celebrate this day along with his school buddies, with a festive spirit.

He made his way to his son and stood before him.

‘Baba!!’, exclaimed the little baadshah.

Salim had tears in his eyes when he lifted his son up and spun him in air. After a few minutes of embracing and jubilation, Salim let go of his son.

‘Baba, we have been searching for you for so long. Where were you? Please don’t go away again.’

‘Don’t worry son. I won’t go away again. From now on, I will always be with you and mother. Ok?’

‘Ok! I am so happy Baba. I know mother will be too. Just wait until we reach home. At school, all my friends used to tell me that you ran away from home. But I knew you would come back!’

Salim smiled. Boy, how he missed this talk.

‘How is school going on?’

‘School is fine. And baba, you know, today they taught us a new song in school and also gave us this flag. See… It is very colorful no?’

‘Yes son, it is. Which song did they teach you in school?’

‘Jhanda ooncha rahein hamara. Vijayi vishwa tiranga pyaara….’

‘Son, promise me one thing. Promise me that you will always honor that flag no matter what. Promise?’

‘Ok promise. But how do I do that?’

‘When time comes you will know. For now, just remember one thing. That flag you are carrying is as much yours as anybody else’s in this country. Ok?’ The little baadshah nodded his head. Salim was not sure how much of it the boy understood, but he was sure that somewhere in his future these words would echo from the past and would help his son make the right choice, if at all he would need to make one.

‘Baba, what’s there in that bag? Gift for me?!!’

‘No son. This is for my friends. You do one thing. Go home to your mother and tell her Baba is back. I will come home later’

‘Ok baba. But you will get me chocolates?’

‘Of course I will. Now be a good son and run home to mother’.

‘Bye baba. Come back soon… '

Salim turned back on his heels and started his long walk. He had a job to finish.

Present Day….

‘Give us the exact location of their hideout. Here write it on this sheet of paper’, the police officer passed him a book and a pen.

Salim made a rough sketch of the place in as much detail as he could remember. It was hard to describe the exact location as he had been blindfolded when he was taken there. But during the course of the training he had come to know that it was somewhere on the outskirts of Kalmati.

He finished the sketch and gave it back to the officer.

‘This is as far as I can remember. It must be somewhere close to the river because even though we were on the outskirts, our place always had abundant supply of water and it took them not more than an hour to fetch water whenever we ran out of it’

‘I think this should be enough. I am not sure why you are doing this, but I will trust you only after I see them with my own eyes.’

‘Oh, you will see them don’t worry. They are not going anywhere’

‘What do you mean? If what you have said so far is true, then they should know by now that something went wrong and you didn’t plant those explosives. And the first thing these people do when they know things did not work out the way they planned, is to pack their bags and leave. Unless…….Wait! You said you were carrying packs of explosives in a bag. Where is that bag now?’

Salim smiled. ‘Oh didn’t I tell you officer? I gifted it back to them. After all, it is Independence Day. Let’s just say I celebrated it in my own way’.

Linkin Park - What I've Done

2008-10-05T22:06:00.001+05:30

A song which has inspired many of my posts. Watch the video carefully. Very thought provoking!

Zenith

2008-09-28T22:34:00.002+05:30

Sin 6: Sloth

2008-09-23T21:51:00.007+05:30

Definition: Sloth is defined as spiritual and/or actual apathy or laziness, putting off what God asks you to do, or not doing it or anything at all. Originally, its place was fulfilled by two other aspects, acedia and sadness. The former described a spiritual apathy that affected the faithful by discouraging them from their religious work. Sadness (tristitia in Latin) described a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontent, which caused unhappiness with one's current situation.

We all experience apathy in one form or the other. This apathy or 'lack of caring' as we experience it, is so miniscule when compared to that experienced by a farmer, who for all practical purposes stakes all his cards on the whims of rain, that it is humbling.

This poem makes an attempt to create one such setting where a farmer has just lost an entire harvest because of heavy rains, and sits in the field contemplating death. Does he do it or does he decide to give up farming for good? Read till the end to know what happens to him ;)

*******************************************

[Photo Courtesy: Google Image Search]

'There goes my last hope', said the farmer with disdain,
An year long effort put to vain,
Awash with grief he sat crying on his field,
A little was ok but this was too much of rain.

In a rage of madness he started digging the ground,
'So this is how you want to end it?' he shouted aloud.
His hands were hurting but little did he care,
For convinced he was to dig his own grave.

Just when he thought that it was deep enough,
Someone above decided to call his bluff.
A hand rested on his shoulders with so much care,
He turned around, the rage seeping through his glare.

The eyes that met him made him look away,
The rage within decided to flay.
A stronger emotion in those eyes now lay,
Guilt may be, but it was hard to say.

He shook his head and laughed at his pitiful state,
The brunt he bore was weighing down on dear ones off late,
He looked at his wife, eyes brimmed with tears,
Without a word spoken hope was restored - more stronger and more fierce.

He would not give up, he would not give in,
However hurt and broken he was from within.
Put together he would, his broken will; and end this charade,
For the joys of life were too precious to trade.

He stood up, his legs trembling with each effort,
He summoned up his will to brazen the hurt,
Too proud a man he was to give up on this day,
So he looked up and spoke these words out bare;

'I ask you no favor, no aid or mercy,
'Cause only a coward would seek it so tersely,
I ask you no miracle, no riches or wealth
'Cause only a fool would deem it a dearth.

I ask you for strength and conviction,
As I begin each day, save me from perdition,
I ask you for a will so strong an entrain,
‘T giveth me the courage to do this again....and again and again.

*************************************************

Sin 5: PRIDE

2008-09-15T22:39:00.009+05:30

Definition: Pride is a lofty view of one's self or one's own. Pride often manifests itself as a high opinion of one's nation (national pride), ethnicity (ethnic pride), or appearance and abilities (vanity). Pride is considered a negative attribute by most major world religions, but some philosophies consider it positive. The opposite of pride is humility

You think you can satisfy the pride in you by making yourself believe that achieving a lot in life will quell it?

If you look close enough, you will realize that everything in this world that you believe you have achieved in life, everything you feel has ever been important to you, everything that you deem you are proud of, may all just be surreal.......

Look closer.. And you will realize what you should really be proud of....

To my Family.... Coz, I am proud to be part of it...

Disclaimer: PRIDE and PROUD can sometimes be used in conjunction which other..but not always(Click here)The author has just chosen to interpret pride in a positive light. Other interpretations are welcomed :)

Rock On - A Review

2008-09-09T16:19:00.011+05:30

[Photo Courtesy: Official Rock on site http://rockon.bigadda.com]

Nowadays everybody seems to be giving ratings and reviews for movies. In fact, any news channel browsing that happens on weekends is bound to hit at least one spike haired man or one curly haired woman bashing up new releases one after the other in a series of brazen comments. In fact, that spike haired man once was so involved with the review that he threw an egg at the camera saying that the movie deserved it!

So in this highly opinionated faction full of self proclaimed movie critics, I would like to present my first movie review (One small step for me, one giant leap for amateur critics!)

And what a movie to begin with! With the movie audience in India yearning for more of the unconventional rather than the tried and tested formula, a film such as Rock On is a welcome reprieve from the “pro-brain-damage” movies churned out by KJo, Yash Chopra, and the like. The movie in essence breaks all stereotypes in its sheer script and screenplay. There is no bhai-chara, no unrealistic villains, no damsel in distress to save, no “world tour” songs and no ten min close up of faces accompanied by melodramatic background score. To sum it up, this is not a bollywood movie!

Let’s be fair here. A movie cannot be made without some or the other shortcoming in it. And this movie too has its share of shortcomings: like the docile first half which stretches far longer that it should have with only few truly good moments interlaced, like the coarseness of Farhan’s voice which may not irritate you, but is certain to make you wince every time he croons one of those high notes. But you know what? You won’t even notice these (unless you are that spike haired man or the curly haired woman!). Because, whatever shortcomings the movie has in the first half, it more or less makes up for it in the second one.

The story revolves around four friends who form a Rock band called ‘Magik’ in their college days. In fact the very first scene of the movie starts with a song called ‘Socha hai’ in which the band performs in front of a small crowd in Mumbai. The screenplay then takes us to the present day, where the four friends have separated and are leading a conventional life, the band now playing only in their memories. It unfolds all that has happened in the lives of these four friends, by moving back and forth between the past and the present (a la DCH). Of the four friends, Aditya (Farhan) has turned into a successful investment banker (and has a dazzling wife and a spaceship like apartment!), KD (Purab Kohli) has started working in his dad’s jewelry store, Rob (Luke Kenny) works as an assistant to Anu Malik and finally Joe (Arjun Rampal) is a broke Guitar teacher who still dreams of making it big. Although it’s been ten years since the band split, the magic of ‘Magik’ has still not worn off and has left each of them with a sense of having left something unfinished.

The rest of the story tracks the effort of the sub-urban wife of Aditya - Sakshi (Prachi Desai) to re-unite the band and re-kindle the lost zeal in her husband.

But the real winner here is the music of the film, which although unconventional (Farhan Akhthar has sung all the songs), is certain to leave you wanting more. The setting, the timing and the emotion of each song has been carefully crafted to bring a sense of realistic feeling. And finally, the crème de la crème of the moments in the movie comes in the climax when the band finally performs on stage again! And man, what a climax it is!

Be sure you don’t miss this one. Because “Rock On” is one big Rock Concert!!

Sin 4 - Lust

2008-09-08T13:39:00.006+05:30

Definition : Lust is any intense desire or craving for gratification and excitement. Lust can mean strictly sexual lust, although it is also common to speak of a "lust for men", "lust for blood" (bloodlust), or a "lust for power" (or other goals), and to "lust for love".

Priya wasn’t satisfied. She had been thinking all night about what the teacher had told about human greed and how it had helped him to overcome the odds and be where he is today. The teacher called it ‘Constructive Greed’, but she couldn’t fathom how it can be so. Everything that she saw around her, everything that has so proudly been declared as being achieved so far, everything that has been written in the history books - about wars and famines, people and betrayals, politics and corruption, poverty and inequality, all this made it hard to believe that man has been anything but constructive in his thoughts. She decided that today, she will tell the teacher about all of this and hopefully he would give a better explanation this time.

The teacher entered the class and was again greeted by applause. But the thunder had died down and only a hint of yesterday’s conviction could be seen on the student’s faces.

The teacher smiled. The class had just begun.

He wasted no time in giving the students the chance to share their view points - their due. ‘Good morning guys. Now before we proceed with today’s topic, I want to tell you how proud I am of you guys. You absorbed everything that I said yesterday about Greed and I was happy to see that all of you so willingly accepted my thoughts. Thank you for that!’

The whole class erupted in muted conversations which was what the teacher was hoping for. He waited for the commotion to settle down.

‘What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?’

Again, it was Priya, the girl in the middle row who raised her hand.

‘Sir, I had a few questions’.

‘Please call me Anil. You can ask me anything you want. Shoot!’

‘Ok..’. Calling him Anil would be fine indeed. She blushed, her crush on the teacher now apparent on her face.

‘Anil, yesterday you told the class of how man’s greed had changed the map of this world and how his greed for life had made him beat all odds against him and made him be what he is today. And you also told that this is kind of constructive greed that we should all have. But what I see around me: the wars, corruption, killings and the apathy of it all, makes me realize that man’s greed has been anything but constructive. In your own words, 'The world had less of comforts but more of life', before all of this.

‘Spot on. I appreciate all of you taking interest in this and this is exactly how you learn philosophy. There are philosophies and then there are other philosophies’, he chuckled at this witty comment, but no one else seemed to get it so he moved on.

‘To answer your question Priya, Yes, the world indeed was a better place to live before all of this. So I ask you back this question. What went wrong? What happened between the discovery of fire and today? Everything seemed to be working so well. Man was slowly becoming stronger and smarter and he slowly was gaining the upper hand on nature. What happened?’

The cacophony of voices that erupted signaled to Anil that the point was taken. He tried to quell the commotion by banging the duster on the table. This seemed to work and slowly the decibel level of the room came down. Anil now pointed his finger at Priya.

‘Tell me Priya. What do you think went wrong?’

‘Greed. It went wrong. The emotion got misplaced and soon consumed him. He forgot that nature was not his enemy but was on his side. He forgot to include nature in his rules. In his quest for a better life, he started to disregard everything else that was once part of him. The land, the water, the air, the trees – they just became resources to him. He cut down the trees, polluted the air, he let out toxins into the water and slowly but surely he started to disturb the balance of nature’.

‘You made a very good point there, Priya. Indeed the emotion got misplaced. In fact, greed gave way to a stronger and a more sinister of emotions in man. Any guesses? No? Ok let me tell you. Greed gave way to Lust.

Man, in the process of working towards a better life, soon lost interest in all things that were once important to him. As you said, land, water, air everything became resources to use. He saw the air getting polluted, the water getting toxic, the land getting sparser, but all he showed in return was apathy. So many years of recklessness and misuse of nature by man has left nature wounded and hurt and she is slowly ebbing away. The Tsunami, the melting of glaciers, the raise in temperature around the globe – all these are clear signs of a mounting ecological imbalance. In his quest to be the survivor of the fittest, somewhere down the line, he did not realize that he may end up being the only one to survive.

And Priya, you also told about wars, corruption, killings. All those are the result of a plethora of misguided emotions. And almost all of it is linked to one single emotion that has been the real downfall of man – Lust.’

The class ended with the sound of bells ringing and the shroud of applause now reverberating in the entire college. All the students left the class having learned something new. Tomorrow would be a new day - Many more interesting things to learn, more ideologies to question and new revelations to uncover. Priya too left the room, with a new found respect for Anil - the crush now having grown into a more powerful emotion.

And finally, Anil was the last one to leave the class. He stood there looking at the empty chairs and there were tears in his eyes. “All in a day’s work… all in a day’s work” he mumbled to himself and slowly made his way to the door.

Sin 3 - Greed

2008-09-01T00:49:00.007+05:30

Definition: Greed is the selfish desire for or pursuit of money, wealth, power, food, or other possessions, especially when this denies the same goods to others.

“A long time ago, when civilization was still in it’s incubation stage, when man was merely another animal just like the rest of the creatures that roamed this earth, when the sky was a lot more bluer without the haze of pollution, when the water was purer and the trees abundant, when the land was more fertile and open without the cluttering of concrete blocks, when the air we breathe in was a lot more fresher without the stale of burnt carbon, when the nightly sky glittered with the shine of twinkling stars not clouded by smoke, when the world probably had less of comforts but more of life, a little discovery made by happenstance set in motion a series of evolutionary changes that would change the map of this world once and for all.

That was when man discovered fire. Yes man indeed discovered fire. Or to be more precise, he discovered the controlled use of fire. And he didn’t stop there. He went on and made more discoveries. One by one, he started taking control of other elements of nature. The land, the water, the trees, even the air was his to take. He built his own shelter, he built dams to stock water, he cut trees and used them as wood, and he learnt how to fly without the need of wings. He formed civilizations, he learnt to live in harmony with others in his species, he built rules that would govern that civility and he then built a system to punish the unruly. He learnt how to cross oceans, how to tap wind power, how to save time commuting between places, how to talk to others far away without having to visit them. He learnt all this and became more stronger and more smarter than any other animal on this planet.

What has been the driving factor for all of what man has managed to achieve so far?

What has set him apart from the rest of the species on this earth? What makes him tick? What is it in him that makes him want to achieve more and more? What makes him question nature’s decree with so much apathy? What makes him haughty enough to consider himself the superior of all species.

“It’s his intelligence?”, said one of the girls sitting in the middle row. She was almost always the one who gave the first answer. The teacher smiled at her innocence and decided to prod her more.

“Why do you think we are more intelligent than other beings?”

“It’s because god created us that way?”

“You are a believer eh? Me too. But not all things can be attributed to god. Sure enough, god created man and made him smart. But what did man do with that intelligence? He discovered ways to control nature. He knew that there are creatures in the world which are more powerful and more stronger than him and almost all of them were his predators.But you know what made him overcome all the odds against him to be the most powerful species on this earth?”

“What?”, chorused the class in unison. They were completely enraptured by this new ideology. They were all first year philosophy students sitting through their first ever session and they were loving every minute of it.

‘It’s Greed’.

‘Greed? How can it be greed?’, asked the girl in the middle row.

‘I know it’s hard to contemplate but this is just one of the theories like a million others that try to explain it. Mahatma Gandhi has said “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed”.

Man wasn’t satisfied with living a life without purpose. He dreamed of a better life. He dreamed of being superior, being unconquerable, being less vulnerable to nature and it’s quandaries. He dreamed of one day being able question the decree of nature without having to hold on to the same decree for his survival. While he still hasn’t been able to achieve the latter, he has managed get himself into a position which is unquestionably the better of the two shares that he and nature can negotiate on. That my friends is because of his greed. His greed for life and his greed for his dream is what sets him apart from the rest of the races. And that is exactly the kind of constructive greed that we should all develop in us. Because when you have the greed of life in you, there is no stopping you.”

The thunderous applause that he got reverberated inside the room long after the students left. He stood there looking at the empty chairs and there were tears in his eyes.

“All in a day’s work… all in a day’s work” he mumbled to himself and slowly made his way to the door.

Sin2 : Gluttony

2008-08-23T23:49:00.009+05:30

Definition: Derived from the Latin gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink, or intoxicants to the point of waste.

[Photo Courtesy : Google Image Search] [Collage by: Maverick]

It's not fair when people in one part of the world die of hunger, while people in the other part can afford the luxury of over-eating!

Sin 1 : Envy

2008-08-12T19:22:00.007+05:30

Definition: Like greed, envy may be characterized by an insatiable desire; they differ, however, for two main reasons. First, greed is largely associated with material goods, whereas envy may apply more generally. Second, those who commit the sin of envy resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking.

Photo courtesy : Maverick

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The envy isn't for your riches or the lack of,
It isn't for your freewill and thereof,
I envy you not because I may and I can,
Nor is it because you belong to a different clan.

It's just that I can't afford what you can,
To live my life without a preoccupied thought or a plan,
When the whole world seems to think it's falling apart,
You can sleep so content and with so much depart.

I envy you for one and only one thing,
For your life is what I want to be living,
Without prejudice and without regrets,
If we can trade our lives then lets.

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Rajni at his best!

2008-08-10T21:34:00.007+05:30

This video is a testimonial to the craziness and hysteria surrounding Rajnikanth. Got this as a forward and couldn't stop laughing watching it. A rib-tickling video...Watch it and have fun!

The Kill

2008-08-08T10:48:00.009+05:30

I watched her with teary eyes.

..........‘That’s enough’, I shouted out aloud.

.........‘Now it’s time for you to die!!’

It had been long overdue now ..

I pointed the weapon at her.

........‘I can’t believe I am doing this to you, but I have no choice’.....

Click!

And the tv shut down.... :)

I was tagged by Rahul for 55 fiction This is a type of fiction where you have to include a setting, a character, suspense, etc etc... all in 55 or lesser words! Well... now I tag anyone reading this post and would love to particpate.. The only incentive out of this is fun.. Leave the link to your post in the comments field...

Colors of Life

2008-07-22T15:53:00.009+05:30

[Photo Courtesy : Google Image Search]

It is not always this colorful. There are times when it is a little bright, when the force of nature is strong enough to force open the crack a little. But that has happened only three or four times so far and I don’t see it happening again. Otherwise it is mostly pitch dark. Dark enough to be considered a night. But it’s been so long since I saw daylight, I have lost the sense of time. But not today…

I had woken up to a shrieking sound. It had been so loud that my ears had started hurting. My awakening senses had told me that it had been my own shriek. When I had realized why I shrieked it made me want to shriek all over again.

I can still remember that day. We were supposed to have dinner together at Leela’s. “Nothing fancy honey, Just a small dinner to celebrate our reunion” I had told her on the phone. I could almost see her beaming at the phone. She knew it would be anything but small. Last year, just before I left, she had asked me to give her something through which she can remember me by and I had decorated our entire living room wall with all our pictures – right from our college days till last week when we had been to Ooty for our honeymoon.

‘Every time you miss me, just look at these pictures and remember all the wonderful moments that we have shared together. And if you still miss me, then good. I will feel bad if you don’t !’

The look on her face when she saw that was more worth than anything that she could have given to me in return. If I knew that was the last time I would be looking at her face, then I would have looked at it a little longer.

It had been almost eight months since I had seen her and I couldn't wait to get back to her.

‘Small and you? That’s highly impossible… Huh? Your son says that daddy is lying’

‘Daughter, not son. I have told you it will be a daughter. And tell him… no her that daddy never lies. He just modifies the truth sometimes to surprise mommy!’

‘OK OK… It’s a daughter. Now keep the phone and get back here soon. We both are missing you’

‘Miss you too. See you tomorrow. Bye’

Click! That was the last thing I had said to her. ‘See you tomorrow’. That tomorrow is yet to come.

After that call I had boarded the ill-fated plane back to Bangalore. My smile must have stayed on after the call because people sitting next to me immediately responded to my look with a warm smile. I was still smiling when the first wave of turbulence started. None of us except the first timers gave it a second thought. Then a second wave started and I could see most of the passengers getting up from their sleep. But still none of us were concerned as this was common. Not necessarily good, but common.
Suddenly there was a crackling sound and the sound of air rushing in. Before we could react the body of the plane tilted and life inside the plane was thrown out of gear. The oxygen masks apparently had popped open but gravity was keeping it to the now upside down roof as the plane made full use of this new found freedom to fall free. During all of this a sharp piece of metal cut loose from somewhere and landed right into my face and my eyes were too dazed to react. A searing pain spread through my face and soon took over the whole of my body. I gave out a deathly shriek. My whole body started jerking desperately trying to free my still latched seat belt after realizing that my hands were stuck, but the belt wouldn't budge. Just as I was about to give up, the door gave way and a gush of air rushed into the plane sending a fresh panic wave to everyone inside. There was chaos everywhere as some of the seat belts cut loose and people were flayed from their seats and fell through the open door.

My seat belt suddenly cut loose and I started falling towards the door. I didn't care. All I wanted to do at that point in time was to cover my face. The pain was just unbearable. As soon as I lifted my hands to cover my face, I realized that I had gone right through the open door….

Looking back now, I think that was what saved me. If I hadn't fallen right through the open door, I wouldn't be here. Very few of us survived the crash And those who did, just barely made out alive. We were rescued by the Coast Guard and taken to the Navy hospital. The doctors said that I was lucky to have lived after that horrendous fall.

‘When that seat belt cut, you were a hundred feet above the sea. You fell from a hundred feet into the freezing sea and you survived. You know the chances of that happening? Zero. What can you call it other than a miracle?’

When I finally went home after a year of treatment and therapy, I couldn't be a happier person. I am home, I thought. After all that has happened, I am home. Every day since that has been a gift. And I keep telling myself that everyday lest I forget…

‘Daddy daddy.. See this drawing that I have done. Isn't it colorful..?’

‘Sweetie don’t you know that daddy cannot see? Why don’t you tell him what all you have drawn?’

‘Huh ok.. There is a garden and lots of flowers … Red roses, Yellow lilies and pink…..’

It had never been so colorful…. I knew that it would be as beautiful as my child’s face. How I wish I could see her face at least one time. May be next time I told to myself. May be next time the force of nature will be strong enough to open that crack a little more.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part V: Are we a generation with a lost cause? Probably not..

2008-07-07T17:15:00.009+05:30

Our great grandpas and great grandmas would have been happy to hear this if they were still alive. Happy that we are lucky enough to live in a period which can safely be claimed as the most peaceful in recent times. What they would obviously miss to see is that, this is also the dullest in recent times. Now you might think ‘Well that’s not a bad thing, eh?’. It certainly isn’t. We are just talking about mundane work, routines which tend to take the word dull to new found levels and a life whose only purpose seems to be “to live through”!

As pragmatic a thought that it may be, it still leaves you with a sense of emptiness. It leaves you with a feeling of having missed out on something big and having lost that opportunity to be part of something grand and something which probably changed the world. That would make a story worth telling to your grand kids, wouldn’t it? Now just because I want to live through a life full of action and world changing moments doesn’t mean that I am wishing for another World War or another Tsunami. No doubt the Tsunami was one heck of a moment in our lives which would qualify as one among the top 10 list of stories that I would like to share with my grand kids. But would this be all? Sharing stories of natural calamities and how people died in them? In case I have failed to make my point yet, here it goes. I wish to live through a time where something revolutionary happened. Things like ‘Civilization - Harappa and Mohenjodaro’, ‘Industrial Revoution’, ‘Modernization’ and many more such events in history that can be remembered even now with awe. May be I have got it all wrong! These were not moments in history but rather an evolutionary phase spread across centuries. So may be we are living through one such phase in history.

But which phase would that be? A post modernization phase? Or going by the recent trends, an Oil Depletion phase perhaps? The most appropriate one would seem to be a ‘Global Warming’ phase. A phase where the whole of civilization became so power hungry that they depleted all the Oil in the World, ate all the plants and animals, cut down all the trees, drank all the water, and duplicated enough to have more people per square foot of land than the other way round. Yeah, this is probably what we will be remembered for.

I remember one of the jokes that my friends shared with me, which I would like to share here:
One of his lecturers had this habit of exaggerating everything. One day, the lecturer came to the class and told everyone how he had heroically fought a python. After the lecturer stopped with his version of the story, one of the “back bench” boys came up with this quick reply to the Professor: (conversation reconstructed)

Quick witted Boy: ‘Sir, I have seen two snakes fight with each other”
Professor: ‘Oh is it! Good, share it with us then.
Quick witted Boy: ‘The two snakes started eating each other’s tails and in the end both of them vanished!’
Professor:

I was just thinking of those two virtual snakes and relating those to people. With the third World War almost definitely thought to be for resources, it wouldn’t be long before people start fighting each other for food, water and shelter and worst even; turning to Cannibals. This is probably what we will be remembered for…

Did you say a lost cause? Well, we can start by fighting Global Warming.. That sounds like a cause to me.

A video on Global Warming

Photography!

2008-06-28T00:15:00.007+05:30

An amateur's attempt at photography! I know what you are thinking.. With such good cameras, nowadays everyone starts thinking that they are good photographers... I do not claim to be a good photographer......... yet..

http://flickr.com/photos/random-pics

My Innermost Thoughts - PART IV : Is the grass greener elsewhere?

2008-06-19T20:29:00.010+05:30

Chapter 2 : THE UPRISING - Revenge of the Cows

For those of you who have read my earlier article on an analogy between Cows and Software engineers, I am sure the article would have left a feeling of Deja-vu. Yes our routines seemingly take on the same form as the routine grazing of a cow. And yes, we do are required to yield more milk than we can provide to suffice the un-quenchable thirst of the Milkman. But take heart my dear friends, there is hope for us all. Just as Uma Thurman can dig her way out from 100 feet under the ground (Kill Bill anyone?), we can moo our way out of this work-trap with our bare errr….you better watch this video!

Swalpa Adjust Madkoli

2008-06-18T21:36:00.004+05:30

The quintessential nature of our way of life. Recently I saw an ad on television where SRK asks “Kyu hein aap santhusht?” when asking why we are happy about our current cable tv when we know that we can get a better service elsewhere. I must say I was not at all santhusht to see that ad popping up in every tv channel I browsed, but it did manage to leave an impact.

It is strange how something you hear or see has an immediate effect on your mind and in general remains in your thought process for at least a day or two. My mind was occupied by one such thought the next day. As I went through the daily routine, I started observing everything that goes on around me more keenly and started picking at the way that certain things were taken for granted or the way in which people compromised on certain things ( can become a very irritating habit in the long run).For example as I was taking my vehicle out of the gate I was greeted by the usual sight of the four stray dogs lounging around within our compound. Just to give you a background, there are these four monstrous, gigantic, very agile and quick witted street dogs that sit, sleep, sometimes sh*t and breed (three times) inside the compound of our house. So far all of our diplomatic efforts with them have failed. They seem to be resolute in their stand (more so in sleep). Se we have learned to live with that. We could call up the corporation people and ask them to take the dogs away, but we don’t want to hurt the sentiments of the dog lovers in our neighborhood and some inside my house. So we decided to let the dogs run their family and may be add new members every once in a while (there are two females and two males…..go figure!). Hey that’s us. We will adjust.

Next up was office. Of all the places in the world, office is probably the best example of a place where you have to do most of the adjustment. You have to adjust to your manager, you have to adjust to the people working with you, you have to adjust to the way that things are done etc etc.. Now before you dismiss this as just an other rambling from a disgruntled employee let me assure you, you may be partially right :). Nevertheless, that doesn’t take away the fact of life that we Software engineers live or the life that we have made for ourselves.

Ok.. Got your point. I will stop my ramblings and grumblings and continue with my thought evoking gyan on this ~~Bakwaas~~ revolutionary topic.

As I was saying, our workplace is probably the best place that one can think of when it comes to making compromises. Never mind that you have just thought of an innovative way of solving a complex problem, you are still treated like you are a two year old with a candy stick in your hand.

“You lick that candy, when I say you do!”

Off late I have been having these harrowing thoughts about how my life would have been if I had made a different choice, made a wrong turn knowing that it would eventually lead me to my destiny…(this might be the place where you would start yawning!)… But you guys know what I am talking about right? You all would have had these thoughts at some point in your lives. I don’t know why, but I have reached a stage where every time I look at myself in the mirror I see a frown on my face as if asking me “What’s the point of your life?”.

At the time of posting this blog, I am still searching for a right answer that I can give to my reflection…If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave your thoughts!

In pursuit of HappYness

2008-05-28T22:56:00.003+05:30

The candle was lit up bright.Smiles were everywhere. I could see joy in their eyes.. real joy. And for that moment in time when I looked at their HappYness, tears welled up in my eyes.I am loved, I thought. Even in the lowest of my spirits and the deepest of my sorrows, I know I am loved. Someone got it right when they said,'True happiness comes to only those who stop pursuing it and start living it'. No, I just made that up. But the smiles on their faces, the warmth in their words and the truth in their eyes, washed away all my grief, and humbled me to realise that yes, I am loved...

Maverick stood their with a knife in his hand and wispered a wish, hoping that the air he blew out will carry that wish to it's realization. If only the air he blew out is strong enough to carry it to it's end..... Hope it does...

My Innermost Thoughts - PART IV : Is the grass greener elsewhere?

2008-05-02T22:38:00.010+05:30

Chapter 1 : The Present Day

Defintion:

COW:

Cattle, colloquially referred to as cows (though technically cow refers only to female bovines), are domesticated ungulates, a member of the subfamily Bovinae of the family Bovidae. They are raised as livestock for meat (called beef and veal), dairy products (milk), leather and as draft animals (pulling carts, plows and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are honored in religious ceremonies and revered. It is estimated that there are 1.3 billion cattle in the world today

Software Engineer:

Code coolies, colloquially referred to as software engineers (though engineer is just a reference to a marginally held degree), are domesticated “primates”, a member of the subfamily Homosapiens. They are raised as livestock for work (called code and project), daily labor (billed per hour) and as draft animals (pressing keys, staring at monitor and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are honored in “virtual” ceremonies and neglected. It is estimated that there are potentially infinite software engineers in India today.

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Scene 1: Somewhere near the greener pastures…..

As the sun rises above the horizon, the cows wake up and “moo” in unison. They realize what lies ahead of them. The milkman enters with an empty canister and a yawn on his face. He bends down on his knees, rolls up his sleeves and starts milking the cows. He fills up the canister but he is not satisfied. He wants more milk, as greed is thoroughly rooted in his mind. He gets more empty vessels and milks them high and dry leaving them exhausted.

The cows watch him leave and breathe a sigh of relief. They again moo in unison, but this time in premature joy. After a while the milkman enters again. He is angry as hell for the milk was diluted. Sensing his anger the cows moo again. They all have the same thoughts in their bovine minds: “Well, that is what you get, if you feed us so lame”. He shouts at them and brings the canister again. Then the circus starts all over again.

Scene 2: Everywhere else where the pastures were greener before….

As the sun rises above the horizon, the techies enter their cubicles and “sigh” in unison. They realize what lies ahead of them. The Manager enters with an empty thought and a frown on his face. He stands on his toes, cracks his knuckles, and starts assigning work to the techies. He fills up his daily work allocation but he is not satisfied. He wants more work to be done, as “his appraisal” is thoroughly rooted in his Head (note the absence of Mind here :D). He assigns more work and milks them high and dry leaving them exhausted, suffocated and depressed.

The techies watch him leave and breathe a sigh of relief. They again sigh in unison, but this time in premature joy. After a few seconds the Manager enters again. He is angry as hell for yesterday’s work was undocumented. Sensing his anger the techies sigh again. They all have the same thoughts in their “half fried” minds: “Well, that is what you get, if you lead us so lame”. He shouts at them and assigns some more work again. Then the circus starts all over again.

To be continued…..

Ps: Click here for more such Inner thoughts...

Solitude

2008-05-02T19:28:00.005+05:30

[Photo Courtesy: Chandan]

My days are lost in thoughts off late,
Searching for ways for this pain to abate,
My needs are strong, my pain is real,
Lest you think this is all surreal.

As each day passes by with my cries unheard,
The darkness creeps in on me; the light is withered,
Flashing images of days gone by,
Keeps me sane, on these lonely nights.

As I walk on with my gait strayed in line,
My gaze wanders searching for a friend near by,
As I turn back my hope fades away,
For I have lost even my shadow, somewhere on the way.

Alone I sit and stare at the mirror,
Perhaps hoping for another reflection to appear,
Standing by my side whilst I stare into those eyes,
A ray of hope gleaming from those into mine.

A life such as mine sans all fanfare,
Hollows out when turned inside out,
My thoughts are strayed and life's in despair,
Live I do, in fear of solitude.

The 'R' Word

2008-03-19T23:40:00.012+05:30

Recession What?

May be this was bound to happen. Too much dependency is always bad. That's pretty much all the lesson that I've learnt in my four years of engineering.

"Never depend on your teacher's notes. They are deliberately misleading so as to confuse you and to question your profound wisdom" - Some Wise Man

Anyways getting back to the point, the reason I am writing this post is because of a recent article in TOI dated 19th March (click here). All you engineers out there, if you are in a state of denial then it's time to wake up! This is the reality of today and will be for the foreseeable future. Our beloved "Clientèle" is facing an Economic crisis. They call it the 'R' word. As you can probably guess from my ramblings in the post, I have absolutely zero knowledge in Financial matters and most of the information that I give in this article will be false and almost all the facts and figures(if any) that I mention are faux. Now that we are done with the disclaimer, let me get back to the post. As I was trying to understand the 'R' word, and what it is all about, I thought the most logical source for that information would be our very good friend Wiki.And Wiki had this to say:

"In macroeconomics, a recession is a decline in a country's gross domestic product (GDP), or negative real economic growth, for two or more successive quarters of a year".

That is a sophisticated way of saying that the economy is f**ked up. The economic activity starts to decrease, people start losing jobs as company's profit margins shrink and company bosses decide to let people go and do some ahem...offshoring, the prices of stuff go up(inflation) or down(deflation) and ultimately an entire country's economy is shook to it's core. Now you may be wondering why a person like me would be worrying about an Economic Recession in the US. Well you think right! Technically speaking I can pretty much go about my every day’s business without feeling even the slightest of the recession effect, Or can I? When I started to read the article I almost decided to skip it and move on to the Bangalore times Gossip column (!), but something stopped me and made me read the article (Well the fact that the article was the front page headline helped in that matter, but I have skipped many of those before!). Why would a leading Newspaper in India put this information on the front page? Must be something important no? Indeed it is. It's important because all of it is connected. Our entire IT industry is mostly dependent on this "Clientèle". This is something that our IT Czars are/have been realizing and slowly making progress towards flattening their presence in the world so that they minimize the dependency. After all, you can't build an entire bridge on a single Pier. So the way ahead for Indian IT industry would be to look at expanding their presence in other regions. This way the risk factor is mitigated to a slight extent. But all that is good to know and easier said than done. How do you expand your "presence"? Do you open talks with a European company to do some offshoring so that your company can mitigate some risk? Why would they do offshoring? Their economy is doing well and good and what better people to work in a European company than Europeans. And besides the needs and the focus of these countries are entirely different than that of a technology driven US. All these are things that I am sure are being discussed and worried upon on a much grander scale.

To make a long story short, a recession in US would mean a recession in the Indian IT Industry. People losing jobs in US would mean people will lose jobs in Indian IT. If not that, at least the hiring rate which was going crazy over the last few years will fall drastically. The article also says that the lowest rung of "Bench Warmers" might face the Axe. This may not mean much to most of you "Hard worker" types but if you are a part of a 100000 strong company (can't believe it? check this ) , then the lowest rung still forms a formidable number.

That's too much Gyaan you say? I agree! I always try to look at the brighter side of things though. And the brighter side of this one is that Our very own Rupee is growing stronger and stronger by the day (barring the recent Nose dive). Who knows? Years from now, we may be offshoring work to our 'Clientèle'......... Now there's a thought!

P.S:For those of you who are still reading my post, here is an article to get you started on Recession.

Mon Bon Ami

2008-02-09T09:13:00.005+05:30

My cheeks are soaked with tears dropping nigh,
The eyes are sore from an anguish cry,
Is this the beginning of a rift from thy?
Ask myself I do, as each day passes by.

For this is a hardship , that I can't face,
Too weak I am, to let it grace,
Remember I do, of those good old days,
When thy would accept my sinful ways.

Don't let this sin of mine cloud your senses,
For sinned I have, but didn't mean no offenses,
Hurt you, I may've, with my actions so frayed,
But remember my friend, we have crossed those fences.

This is my last forlorn effort towards redemption,
Tell me my friend what is your presumption.
Are we still good, ol' friend of mine?
I shall promise thy, never again shall I cross the line.

MY US TRIP - PART II - Hello US of A

2008-01-27T10:56:00.003+05:30

Chapter 1 - My first flight

Bangalore to Mumbai - IA (why did you do this to me God?))

Well I must say it was quite a first flight. I wasn't expecting it to be so good actually. But due to some of my ahem! connections I got a front row window seat. So there was plenty of leg room and an absolutely breathtaking view out the window. So it was but natural that my breath was taken away by the takeoff. It was like one minute we are on land and the next moment we were up in the air. Phew! Words are hard to describe it. Most of you people who have flown before would know it. But the real lucky ones are the ones who get the window seat because you get to see that beautiful view from up there.

Ok, enough of me blabbering about my flight. I will get to the interesting point of the flight. Now that it's almost a habit of mine to bump into "good companies" whererver I go. So it was no surprise that the seat next to me was occupied by one such company. But 5 minutes into the flight, I realised that I shouldn't be judging people by their looks. Let me explain. My flight mate apparently had an incident with the security. She had a joystick in her bag, and the security thought it was a gun or something. And this lady, peachy that she is , called up her mother on the plane to share this "funny incident" (her quote) with her. Well the conversation went on and on almost ruining my first flight experience until the flight attendant, the good lady that she was, politely asked her to shut her cell off( yeah i know this phrase sounds similar to another more widely used phrase. She would have used that phrase but for the safety of her job).

Anyways, this post is not about her, it's not even about me. It's actually about this girl in the airport........... I am just kidding! Coming back to the story, if I had thought the take off was awesome, the landing was even better. One minute we were gliding in the air and the next minute we were cruising on the runway at top speed. I mean, you can totally experience the sudden change in velocity. This little flight of mine, was an exhilarating experience for me. And it is something I will be cherishing for a long time.

Next up, was my loong non-stop flight from Mumbai to New Jersey. All I am going to say is that, it was looooonggggg. I got a middle seat, and I got two boring people on either side. The only conversation I had with them, was when I asked them to get up so that I can use the bathroom! Well the only consolation was that I got my own screen (It's an other thing that I ended up watching a stupid hindi movie). Anyways, after this long journey, I landed in Newark airport, and stood in a long queue for immigration. And when I finally reached the immigration officer, all my excitement of being in US died down with the reception I got from him. I'll spare you the details of that for some other day. Next to that, I met up with a friend and we took a cab to the Hotel.

To be continued...

MY US TRIP - PART I : License to Fly

2008-01-11T21:55:00.001+05:30

Chapter 3 : Uncle Sam's permission

The interview was at 4:15 in the evening and we didn't want to be late. So Sandy and me left our hotel at 3:30 and we reached the consulate 15 mins ahead of time. Once all the security check was done we entered the first building. After the document checking we were directed to the next building. Here we sat in a waiting room and awaited our turn for the finger printing.
Just when I thought it was getting boring, a tall brunette walked in and I could see all the men simultaneously glancing her way to get a glimpse of her. It was similar to the spectators in a tennis match ;) She saw all of us and was bemused a little at our reaction. Then she went and stood in a line(This was good for me because the line was right next to where I was seated). Unfortunately her VISA got rejected. I felt so disappointed and frustrated at the VISA officer I wanted to smack...Wow! The VISA officer was absolutely gorgeous. She was probably an Indian American(atleast I wished so) and then I thought there must have been a good reason why she rejected her VISA.

I was hoping I would be asked to go to her counter but somehow my stars were not in proper alignment that time (grahagati was bad) so instead I was directed to a different officer. The interview itself was surprisingly quick and very brief and after just 2 or 3 questions my VISA was granted. I breathed a sigh of relief, bid adieu to the hot VISA girl and finally met up with Sandy outside and the first thing I asked him was :

Me : 'Did you check out that VISA officer?'
Sandy: 'Yeah, She was very good.'
Me: 'By the way what happened to your VISA?'
Sandy: 'It's done man.'
Me: 'I think she is Indian'
Sandy: ' How does it matter to you?'.
Me: 'I guess it doesn't.'
Sandy: 'Then why are we having this conversation'
Me: 'Because you should know these details about your bhabhi'.
Sandy: 'Yeah right!'.

So after having our mission accomplished, we returned back to our hotel.Sandy left for some party and I spent time browsing the TV. Surprisingly , there were a couple of english and hindi channels. I thought well, atleast my convocation helped. I was granted all my wishes from god and I was especially grateful for the last wish.

....please ,please let me find at least one good looking girl in all the places I visit so that I don't get bored".

I packed my bags, settled the bills and walked to the railway station. I didn't want to take any chances with the auto drivers and besides the station was just a kilometer from the hotel. I got into my train and there was a very good looking Punjabi girl who was in the same compartment as me.The first thing I did was thank god for his bonus grant. But before I could chat her up, her dad came in from nowhere and I quietly made my way to my berth and settled down to a nice sleep.Thus came to an end, this short but eventful journey of mine.The one thing I was thinking about,throughout the journey was this :

'Whether I go to US or not, this journey will always be memorable. Who knows I might even come back here just to have a look at that VISA officer again. God she was hot!.'

~FIN~

MY US TRIP - PART I : License to Fly

2008-01-10T22:46:00.001+05:30

Chapter 2 - Exploring the city

We woke up to the screeching sound of the alarm and quickly put the alarm in snooze mode. After repeating this process for about 5 times, we finally decided that it was time to actually wake up, the motivation being the breakfast buffet waiting for us downstairs. The buffet was an array of typical South Indian food - idli,vadas,uthappa,parathas etc.. As the interview was in the evening ,we had lot of time on our hands. So, we decided to explore the city. We asked the receptionist for the places to visit and she suggested a visit to the History museum, which was nearby. Sandy knew a little bit of Tamil , so we were able to get a rickshaw for a bargained fair. We were not actually looking forward to see the museum but we had nothing else to do.

When we reached the museum,the ticket counter looked like this:

Entrance Fee :
Rs. 15/- for Adults (Indian Nationals)
Rs. 10/- for Children below 12 years (Indian Nationals)
Rs. 200 for Children below 12 years (Non-Indian Nationals)
Rs. 250/- for Adults (Non-Indian Nationals)

Wow! Good way of milking money from foreign tourists no? Anyways we bought the tickets for the museum and entered it. The museum was divided into 5 separate buildings based on the type of artifacts they hold. We entered building 1 which had all these old statues of gods, warriors and people in various..ahem... poses. At the entrance was the stone statue of Dwarapalakas, followed by some broken statues of Lord ganesha, Shiva and other gods. We quickly lost interest in this and climbed to the first floor. This floor had Nagakkal - Stone statue of Snakes, followed by statues made from grey stone during the Pala sena period(750 AD to 1300AD). Next came the interesting part - some artifacts from the Mohenjodaro. It had all this cool stuff like copper and bronze weapons and tools, some creative fish hooks used to catch fishes, pottery beads,weights made from chert, fertility amulet of pregnant females. We moved onto the statues again and this time there was a big statue of a women called the Chauri bearer from Didarganj. This one captured our attention for a while , and we started appreciating the finesse of the sculpture. Next ahead was something known as a SATI STONE - A stone tablet set up in the place where a wife or concubine burns herself to get rid of her sins, following her husband's/partner's death ( never really got the hang of this though - why should a wife kill herself if her husband dies? weird no?). What followed was again a series of statues , an entire wall carved out - called kavikumara jataka,a separate section for mammals,birds,botany etc.

[Kumara Jataka]

Then we entered building 2 which was the bronze section.

These had some very beautiful bronze statues from the Bronze-era... hmmm interesting. A Srilinkan girl with long hair standing next to the statue..hmmm very interesting. I tried to catch a glimpse of her face, but she was in a crowd listening to some guide explaining something about the statue in Sinhalese. As the group moved , I followed them(of course to listen to the guide) to the center piece which was the bronze statue of Nataraja. After finally looking at her, I decided Srilankan girls are not my type and we quietly made our way out. We decided to skip the other buildings and headed to Marina beach instead.The beach is literally about half a mile from the road. We walked till the beach stayed there for about 10 mins and walked back(voila! beach trek). Meanwhile Sandy was giving some gyaan about the beach. It seems this is the second longest beach in the world. There were some ships waiting to be docked at the port. Next to the beach was the tomb of MGR - a famous Tamil actor and politician, and right next to it an even bigger tomb of someone known as Anna - again a politician. People were offering their prayers, feeding the hungry MGR some biscuits, and asking for his blessings so that they can have a good life.

It was at this point that the heat of Chennai was at its peak , so we decided to head back to the hotel. Coming back we had a nice lunch and started preparing for the Visa interview.

To be continued..

MY US TRIP - PART I : License to Fly

2008-01-10T17:57:00.001+05:30

Dear reader,

Thank you for your patience. You have been a good audience to me even though I have not written a single piece of blog that can be called noteworthy. This post is dedicated to 'YOU - The Reader'.

Regards,
Chandan.

This blog is all about the much hyped (most of it by my mom) trip to US that I will be taking. This trip is mainly a business visit for one of the client projects. Personally this is not such a hugely gratifying experience for me but still I am excited to be visiting a new place. So I have decided to share my experiences with YOU - the avid readers of my blog. Because my friend, ultimately this blog is for you, so I have to invent new ways of capturing your attention;)

As a starter, I want to share some of the experiences I had during my trip to Chennai for the VISA application. The journey started something like this........

Chapter 1 - The Journey

Convocation : "Dear God, protect me from the scorching heat of Chennai and make me powerful enough to survive one day there without getting abused by the auto-drivers, give me patience to remain calm after browsing the TV channels only to find Tamil ones, and please ,please let me find at least one good looking girl in all the places I visit so that I don't get bored".

As I wandered on platform no 1 waiting for my train to arrive, I couldn't help but notice that I was suddenly all nerves. And strangely this was not because of the VISA interview that I was attending the next day, but because of a very good looking girl standing opposite to me,who was all smiles when she looked at me. I was tensed, I didn't know how to react to that. Should I smile back? Should I just look the other way and act like I didn't see that. Or should I treat it as a sign from above and smile back? And so began my nervous journey to Chennai. I was thinking about all this when my train arrived at the platform. It was the "Chennai mail" which started at 10:45 p.m. I gave a last longing look at the girl and boarded the train and although it was my first time in a train, I easily found my seat(well the seat numbers helped a little but you should never trust them!). I waited for my friend - whom for anonymity sake we shall call Sandy. Sandy arrived exactly at 10:40p.m just 5 mins before the train was supposed to leave - the sign of a seasoned Train traveler. We exchanged pleasantries, which was restricted to a 'Hi, Will talk to you tomorrow morning. Good night'. And due to lack of a better things to do OR see, even I settled down to a somber sleep.

The train reached Chennai Central exactly at 4:38 a.m in the morning and this was probably the first time in my life I woke up before sunrise. This in no way means that I am lazy. It's just that I respect the SUN too much to be up before him ( I don't want it on my conscience that I insulted the SUN god!). Anyways, even at that time of the hour the station was bustling with crowd. We (Sandy and me) made our way to the prepaid auto rickshaw counter. Our auto-wallah conveniently put one more passenger beside us and said something in Tamil. After looking at his facial expression we figured out that he was daring us to question his action and if we did, he would kidnap us and feed us to the dogs (or something like that). We let it pass and got into the rickshaw. We reached our hotel ,only to find that the hotel booked for us had decided to postpone our arrival time to suit their convenience. It all meant that we were on the road in Chennai at 5:00 a.m in the morning without a place to stay. Luckily, the hotel manager, the NICE GUY that he is , suggested an alternate hotel and even had the courtesy to drop us to that hotel in a cab. (I think he gets commission from the other hotel every time he does something like this).

After we reached this hotel, we quickly booked a room and went in and slept like babies. We needed rest , as it was our BIG day......

To be continued....

You can't break me

2007-12-29T20:44:00.002+05:30

You can try as hard as you may,
My will is too strong to give away,
I have fought many a demons in my life,
Humbled and defeated,in my past they lie.

Not long ago in the past,
At its peak was my chagrin in you,
For all the hardshsips thrown at me,
Thought I, that a befitting reply was due.

The harships I've faced has thickened my skin,
Grown I have accustomed to your ways,
May be there is a meaning to all that you do,
It's essence is what gives me hope of better days.

So bring it on , I shall bear no grudge,
Ready I am, to face the full brunt of your force,
Let the mind games begin,
After all, it's high time I settle some scores.

In time I shall be strong enough to stand up to you,
Look you in the eye without a twitch,
And with the utmost conviction shall I say,
"You can't break me, try as hard as you may".

A small attempt to depict the conflict of my mind. One part of me has exuberant confidence whereas the other side still is lost in an ocean of self doubt and low self confidence. This is a conversation that my stronger side is having with my weaker side. A little of coming out of a shell you see :) I hope you liked it.

Guhahahahaha!

2007-12-19T00:06:00.001+05:30

Have you ever felt like laughing your heart out in the most inappropriate situations? Imagine this. You are listening to your Project Manager explaining about the business data to be captured for a data mining analysis and suddenly you get a dirty joke from your friend:

Your PM : ... The busness user wants to capture this metric which will be useful in forecasting the future sales..

You(loudly) : Guhahahahhahahahha. What a joke!

Your PM(shocked.. a common expression) : What did you say?

You(not been listening to PM for a long time and now sending a reply to the sms): Guhahahahhahaha.. I liked it machhha. It’s absolutely hilarious. What an idiot that guy is.

Your PM(getting angrier) : What the hell are you talking about?

You(still not hearing your PM) : I like that part about the guy and girl **beep**. Guhahahahhahha absolutely mind-blowing!

Your PM(face getting redder) : Get out of here!

A lot of times I am put into a serious situation I just feel like laughing it all out. It may not make sense to everyone but that is how I face those situations. For example whenever somebody embarrasses me, I just laugh with them because that is the easiest way to finish that episode. If I try to come up with a good retort then a verbal exchange will continue and finally it’s a no win situation for both of us. And sometimes when I see that some person is very serious and hardly smiles/talks then I usually walk up to him and crack a joke or two just to break that ice. If he/she still doesn’t smile then I will wait.. After all it's ice, it has to melt (Guhahahahha! what a joke!).

Consider a movie scene where the hero is crying because his girlfriend is getting married and he is dying soon( after 2 hours , 5 songs, 1 fight... kya pata kal ho na ho):

Typical normal person : moist eyes, ears and hanky by the side. Wah. What a touching scene!

Me : Guhahahahhaa. What a joke. I paid 100 Rs for this movie. Guhahahhahhaha!

Scenario 2: A serious debate about the effect of capitalization on the economy of the country is going on.

Typical normal person : nodding head/dozing off/huh?!!

Me: Capitalization on economy is ECONOMY. What’s there to debate? Guhahahahhahaha!

So the next time you see an idiot laughing like there is no tomorrow, don’t scowl at him. It may just be that it’s his way of showing that he is pissed off with something. Appreciate the irony!

Remember “Laughter is said to be the best medicine”.
Guhahahahhaha! What a philosophy!

Disclaimer : The above prose is a work of pure fiction. Any resemblance to anyone’s laughing style is a coincidence. If you are one among those coincidences then kindly leave your comments !

My Innermost Thoughts - Part III : Mind of a confused soul

2007-12-11T17:58:00.002+05:30

~ Mind Over matter ~

The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. Really, it's a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free. - Charles R. Swindoll

[Caution: Extreme philosophy. Not for the light hearted or my blog haters. Criticism is welcome as long as it is unbiased and by that I mean in my favor :)]

"There is an unruly feeling in the crowd. They can be found most of the time staring blankly at their screens. The ocassional click of the mouse is the only thing which signals that they are still alive. The pressure of performance is showing on their faces. This is a do or die situation for an otherwise easy-come-easy-go merry making kinds. The time has come to prove a point and they can't seem to map that point anywhere on the graph because the graph is so vast that there is a problem of plenty(of points). Even after mapping the point, there is that fear of the point becoming obscured and slowly growing itself to encompass other points ,thus widening the focus required.The only consolation they have is the faith and belief in the system which has proven time and again that failures are accepted,albeit once."

Sounds philosophical? It is far from it. This is a scenario of a typical Software company when freshers join and are slowly bridging the gaps to cross over from college life to professional life. Imagine yourself to be standing in front of a hundred new recruits and looking at their unsure faces and trying to make sense out of the awkwardness they are feeling about the whole situation. They are being "trained" to be Professionals and you are imparting that training. Sounds scary? It's far from it..

I recently had this chance of being part of the learning program for the freshers and sharing some "Gyaan" that I have gathered in one year of my professional life. I know one year is a short time to pick up all the nuances of professionalism but it certainly was a very introspective experience for me. As I stood their, teaching them about what little I have managed to learn, I got a mixed feeling of "Deja Vu" and "Nostalgia". Not long ago I was at the other end ,wearing that same unsure-ness on my face and giving myself into the system trusting it to mould me into the person that I wanted to become. You can call this an act of faith , but I saw it as a pragmatic approach. Now I saw the same faith in them , in me, and that scared me a little. One year is indeed a very short time to map ourselves in the industry and without that clear mapping we ourselves are afraid to put faith in our abilities and knowledge. So seeing someone looking up to you for guidance , will certainly make you a little apprehensive but you will get over that after hearing to them gleefully expressing their gratitude and faith in you. So I was really surprised when I received the same from them after completing the training. It was a huge relief to me because the fear of performing was more in me than them. That fear had its roots deep in my mind and was subjugated to further growth due to lack of self belief. Overcoming this fear was a big challenge and I am happy that I have done that.This is one experience that I shall never forget in my life.

In a generic way this is a scenario which people face everyday in their lives. The sheer pressure of performance and that mindset of meeting other people's expectations, is the pulling force behind a person's feeling of worthlessness. Man goes through various phases in life and in each of these phases he is working for someone and meeting the needs of others around him. So when realization finally hits him hard in the face , it's too late to get back all the time spent in trying to be the one that others want him to be. An act of rebuilding once self esteem should not be the last forlorn effort. We should imbibe that into our list of virtues so that going forward in our lives, we don't feel lost. Then the points in the graph and the graph itself will become crystal clear to us and mapping ourselves to these points and seeing as to where we stand will be just a case of "Mind over matter".

Blogging pays

2007-12-04T21:54:00.001+05:30

I never thought the stuff I write will be read by anyone let alone be appreciated. So when I got a mail from the PF team today morning I was genuinely surprised after reading the subject line. It said "Congratulations for winning the Petal contest". I blinked a few times and read it again, just to see if I was not extrapolating the text or misinterpreting it. After a few seconds of gazing and re-gazing at the subject line, I finally opened the mail. As i started to read it, I realized that this was for real. My article had actually been appreciated by people and had been selected as the best article for the month. It was like winning a lottery or something. I had never felt so proud of myself and my (ahem!) literary talents:) Finally , the sixty liters of sweat poured doing the hard work of thinking and brainstorming on such a mundane topic has paid off! For all those who don't have a clue what I am talking about, click here. This article was published in my company's Peoplenet portal in September in a column called Petals. Petals is an intra-company platform for people with good literary skills to showcase their talents. It was my first article in Petals and it won an award! What can I say? Some people are born talented (don't laugh). I just wrote this post to share my elation and joy with all those poor people who undergo the pain and torture of reading my unceremonious blog!. I had thought of stopping to write after hearing to constant complaints, threats and hate mails from my readers. But this award has left me with no choice. I will be writing many more such articles and keep torturing you guys to read them. So if you see me looking at you in an odd way or staring at a stone or something then it means that I am researching you/it for my next article! You can help on this research by suggesting a few topics yourselves! I am open to any crazy, innovative, out of the box ideas :)

Dark Angel

2007-11-27T18:18:00.004+05:30

I am willing to let go and fall into your arms,
Help me free myself from the worldly harms,
Take me as I am, take me now,
To your deathly gallows, I shall bow.

Rescue me from this haunted state,
Wipe my tears for this pain to abate,
Make them suffer your wrath,
They have pushed me too far, they hath.

There is pain running through my veins,
Their betrayal is worst than the blood stains,
I killed for them, took many a innocent life,
Only to leave behind many a widowed wife.

I repent my sins, for it’s of the worst kind,
Their web of lies had left me blind,
I thought this was a fight for a noble cause,
And a few innocent lives, were no one’s loss.

Little did I realize that it was all a big sham,
The cause was only as noble as I am,
Abused to spread terror around the world,
They walked this earth with their souls sold.

At last I have repaid my debts to the widowed wives,
By killing those with the soul-less lives,
It’s time for me to call it a day,
I want to reach you, show me the way,
Oh the blessed Dark Angel of mine,

Where art thou? Just give me a sign.

The above poem describes the last thoughts of a terrorist. He is seeking the Dark angel - which is the Angel of death, because he knows his time has come. For all the sins he committed, spreading violence, motivated by a fanatically advocated hatred, he realizes his mistakes and tries to redeem his soul by killing the perpetrators of that hatred - those who instilled it in him and brainwashed him into a walking assassin devoid of any emotion.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part II : A virus called pretention

2007-11-04T22:31:00.002+05:30

Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part.
-- William Hazlitt

What did you do this weekend?

Such a simple question to answer right? Not if you are 23 year old Software Engineer, with no personal life and who’s only pass time is writing blogs!

Every time somebody asks me this question, I feel this pang of guilt in my heart that I don’t let myself have a good time. So many times I have thought of forgetting about work and stress and just have a good time. And every time I have thought of it, I have either ended up in one of those malls watching stupid movies and eating overpriced food which otherwise I would have fed to a dog OR spending time with friends talking about things that 23 year old(or rather young) software engineers with no personal life talk about. The latter sounds good. But after 4 years of doing it you will get bored of the routine, trust me. So all this made me think (which is an occasional activity for my, an otherwise under-worked brain). What is the best possible way to enjoy myself in these brief (extremely brief I must say) weekends? Then after a lot of introspection over a "two minute" period, I finally concluded that the best way of enjoying my weekends is to do what I love the most. Now that was the first step, thinking of what to do. After this came the difficult part. You must understand, me being a true hot blooded 23 year old male, there are a lot of things I love. I guess “things” is not the proper way of putting it but you must have gotten the hint by now. Anyways coming back to the point, it was difficult to identify all the things I would love to do on a weekend. So this required me a lot of thinking (and I must add a lot of work for that under-worked brain of mine!). And voila! I came up with this extremely short list of things I wanted to do:

Extreme rafting in dangerous water with swirling currents and high waterfalls….

Well I am sort of afraid of water and in general hate to be near any sort of current so I had to cancel this from the list.

Bungee jumping or Sky diving

Sounds like fun and worth a try some time in future. But with a general fear of altitude and a slim paycheck I had to cancel this one too. Although it’s because of the latter cause and nothing to do with heights. I am a brave person and can overcome any fear, although a flying cockroach still scares me. I know it is a small creature who’s only fault is getting wings and learning how to fly (a feat that every human wishes to do), but it still scares the shit out of me whenever I see one. Anyways I have read somewhere that you should always fear something because the absence of fear makes a man thick headed. So my fear of cockroaches is in good spirit and for my own moral well being and I am proud to say that!

Now back to my lists.

Be myself!

Well this one was interesting and it came out of nowhere. I dismissed it at first thinking how silly it was. Then as I moved on to write the next one on the list, I started to think. And then it hit me! This is what I would love to do all my life (and not just weekends). Be myself, be unpretentious. Come to think of it, the entire time you are at work, you are pretending to be someone else because you want to be that someone. You may be a fresher with absolutely no idea about how or why you were hired, but you pretend to be knowing everything and nod your head every time your supervisor explains something to you, because you want to be that person who knows everything (If given a chance you would love to be that supervisor who’s only work seems to be giving work to others and earns three times as you even though he is a half wit and can barely count numbers let alone supervise you). You unwillingly do some a** kissing with your supervisors and pretend to be all chubby with them because you want them to like you. All this pretension however has an adverse effect on your life because it slowly transforms you into your pretension. This may sound all philosophical and it partly is, but that doesn’t mean it is not true.

And as I sat there on my bed thinking of pretensions and how I can be myself atleast for two days of a week, a lot of ideas came to my mind.

And the best way seemed to be to write about it. Writing is something which I love to do the most and add “Being myself” and it seemed like a wonderful idea, spiritual even. Writing is such a pure way out and barring some extreme cases, is extremely unpretentious. I say extreme cases as there may be some people who get confused with life and fiction and dwell on the grey area in-between.

So I will continue to do what I love the most, being myself and writing about “being myself” and hope one day find a solution to life’s meaning………….. Nah! Let’s leave that part to the philosophers shall we ;)

As the Wind blows

2007-10-06T17:04:00.004+05:30

As the wind blows,
Memories seep in to my mind,
Of all those moments we shared,
Full of love and kind.

Under the moonlight we walked the beach,
You held my hand and made sweet talk,
I was in bliss,for you were at my reach,
I shall never forget that special walk.

As the leaves start to fall,
I can't help but weep,
Reminded I am, of your last call,
And the promise which you failed to keep.

Under the shade we used to sit,
Planning our future amidst fallen leaves,
Sharing our thoughts on life and love,
Thinking of fate and what it weaves.

As the rain pours down,

Tiny droplets of tears run down your daughter's cheek,
Her mother,now long gone,

C'oz of which her spirit has gone bleak.

Under the shelter, we watched the rain,
Giving into our passion we embraced,
That first kiss we shared still lingers on my lips,
That thought is the only thing which abates my pain.

As the sun shines bright,
I am reminded of the good times we had,

The magic of those moments,
When the three of us looked set right.

Under the roof, we played,
We fought and shouted at each other's face,
Together we smiled and together we lived,
Now that you left us, it's not the same place.

As the wind blows,
Memories seep in to my mind,
Of all those moments we shared,
Full of love and kind.

My small expedition into the Unexplored!

2007-09-06T23:39:00.002+05:30

It was an amazing sight to watch. They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. If that were true, then my eyes were working on overdrive.

I was feeling very low after a bad day at office, so I had decided to take a long walk the next morning. And lazy that I am, I decided to take a short cut for my long walk(yeah I know, irony !). So instead of the old route I usually used to take before, I took a detour and landed up in a small stretch off the main road. And to my surprise, I found this small but really amazing pathway with some really beautiful trees and a small pond. Monsoon season had begun, and all the trees seemed like they were lit up ,only this time by rain drops. It was like a small preserve which somehow had been saved from human inhabitation and in time had grown itself into a beauty that not only beholds the eye, but really makes eyes roll up in awe. I slowly treaded my way into this path, taking it all in. I then went near the pond and saw a small abandoned boat there. May be in olden days this pond used to be a boating place. There was nothing else in the pond (unless you consider croaking frogs as something) so I came back to the pathway.

Now an interesting thing happened. May be I was hallucinating but I thought I saw a peacock near one of the trees. I couldn't help myself. I made my way to the tree. Unable to hide my excitement anymore, I jumped to the back of the tree. To my utter astonishment, it was indeed a peacock. I was absolutely speechless as I had never been this close to a peacock before. I cursed myself for not buying a camera (But with all the commitments I had, camera was not on my priority list). So I stood there, watching the beautiful creature slowly lifting it's head, turning to my side and say:

“Did you complete the documentation work? I want it by tomorrow".

Huhhhhh?? It's only then I realized that I had been dreaming all this time. There was no peacock, no pond, no abandoned boat and no amazing pathway. And worst of all, what that peacock said was true. I was supposed to submit the document by the end of the day and I was yet to start. So it was all a big sham, but just to make sure, I went for a walk in the usual route, and as I expected I did not find any detour. All I found at that place was a huge dustbin and all kinds of garbage piling all around it (of course none of it inside the dustbin, which defeats the whole purpose of having it there)...

Yeah I know , some Irony huh? But I learnt one thing that day, that however busy you are at your work, however screwed up your life is, you will always find solace in your own mind. That dream was like a reminder to me. There are lots of good things in life. They are just waiting to be explored. If you seek them, you will probably find solace!

The cry of a Father

2007-08-13T23:16:00.003+05:30

I can see her hiding in the dark,
Her eyes give her away with that spark,
She has seen the worse that a girl can bear,
And has lost her faith in Love and Care,
I reached her and turned around her face,
Only to see her weeping , her eyes full of grimace.

The feeling's so real, it breaks my heart
If it weren't for her, I would fall apart,
Like a sunshine she brings that glare,
With those eyes , when she stares
Her face so soft ruined by scars so deep,
I can't help but start to weep.

Oh my child, Why did this happen to thee?
Your beautiful smile no more there to see,
How I wish to stop your tears and see you smile again,
To let you sleep on my arm and vanish your pain,
How I wish I could take away your pain,
Only my prayers went in vain.

But I promise to thee ,I shall make you see life again,
And make no one treat you with disdain,
Believe me my child, when I say
Your beauty is here to stay.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part I : Thinking of thoughts

2007-08-05T18:02:00.002+05:30

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."
- Anonymous

As I begin to write this, I cannot help but wonder, is there something called "THOUGHTS"?

When people say 'I think' do they really think? If yes, then why are they not sure? They still say 'I think' as though they are still in doubt about what they think. If they are so sure about what they think, then why don’t they just say ‘I know’? I don’t know, may be it’s just me. I have never really understood these vagaries of English. I am not even sure vagaries is the right word. Coming to the point, I think (Oops!) why we use the word is because that is exactly what sets us apart from the rest of the races. ‘We think’ and boy the things we think.

Now, when I started reading the above lines, I found that I have made a fundamental stand. I considered “thinking” and “thoughts” as being the same. I would like to justify my stand. What are thoughts? Aren’t they the things you keep wondering about and continuously judging what is right or wrong? Aren’t they the output of all the things you think through? These thoughts materialize out of all the thinking that has gone behind them. No wonder that people’s thoughts sometimes are above this world, as so much thinking goes behind it. Imagine a world where no one thinks. Everything happens just spontaneously. In that case you won’t be able to imagine as Imagination is a manifestation of our thinking. Clearly the world would be in total chaos. People’s decisions will be solely dependent on that point in time when those decisions are made. You shift that point to somewhere else in the axis and the decision will be different. There will not be any certainty in life. You won’t be able to distinguish between good and bad as these will be just a function of time. And besides , you won’t be able to judge anyway as judging requires you to think. And without that thought process , you are nothing but an abstract entity whose actions are dimensioned by time. To cut to the chase, all I want to say is this:

“We are blessed to be endowed with a brain that actually tells us that , even if you write crap, people will read it if you present it in the right way”.

I hope my thinking paid off!