5 Better Ways to utilize your Meeting Time!

We all know how wonderfully boring it is to sit in a meeting where all people do is nothing but ramble and ramble all day about pointless points. Hell, in the cosmic sense, things discussed in such meetings probably have .00000000000000000000000000000000000001% significance! (quote inspired from a famous Calvin strip).

So in the spirit of brotherly love and sharing, caring and all other things un-gayishly inbetween, I decided to compile a list of ways in which one can utilize the time spent in meetings; better. Here goes my list of 5 ways to better utilize your time in meetings:

1.
Since you already have a pen with you (assuming that you are one of those who goes to meetings with a pen and a book. If you are not, then skip to point 2), you can draw caricatures with that on an empty sheet of paper. Some of you ungrateful ones may say, 'Well duh! That we already do!!'. Hey, I know you guys do it! But can you do this?

Note: This technique is highly recommended for those who are searching for a legal ways of vaporizing bosses. However , if this doesn't work, then you can purchase that vaporizer at http://megachromatovaporizer4bosses.com

2.
Assuming that you would have gone out to take that pen and book after looking at option 1 (for those who still don't have a book and a pen, go to option 3), open the last page of the book, and start writing the screen play & dialogues for the climax of a classic movie where your boss is the hero:

Gabbar (You): Naach Basanthi Naach!!

Basanthi (your friendly neighbor-cubicle babe): Anything for you Gabbar Darling! (She approaches the nearest pole).

Veeru (Your Boss): Basanthi..In kutto ke saamne mat naachna!

Basanthi: Mein aapke saamne thodi hi naach rahi hoon.. ?

You: Aiyya Veerudu. I am ready, The girl is ready. What is your probelm?

Your Boss: Basanthi ke pas kya hein jo mujhme nahin? Kyu uske peeche bhag rahe ho?

You (confirmed that your boss swings all ways!): Uske paas ek cheez hein jo tumhare paaas nahin hein. In fact, uske paas do cheez hein jo tumhare paas nahin hein.

Your Boss: (Cheeks pink with blush) : You mean her ....?

You: Yes I mean her.... Head and the brain inside it.

Basanthi impressed by your wit comes running to you and you both elope to the nearest coconut grove to make lo....errr... sing a duet.

Your boss approaches the nearest Pole!

--The End--

3.
Assuming that Option 2 would have brought out the creativity in you and you would have excused yourself from the meeting and got the book and the pen (for those of you who don't believe in this pen business, go to option 5), open any page of the book (the relative position of the page is of no interest to the Vaastu Gods) and start writing a small poem to describe your situation:

As the gentle but strong winds blow,
My mind wanders and my strained thoughts flow,
Wonder they do what would have happened if,
I had an extra pen, I would've probably color coded this.

(After some search you find that extra pen and you use that as well for adding the artist's touch to your poem)

As the fire in me burns, and forms ashes of my patience,
I use this second pen to calm my nerves and quell my impatience,
But then I use the first one again, and the fire is ignited again,
And by the time I finish this line, I will be impatient again.

-- Chandan

4.
Tear some sheets from the book and use your Kindergarten Crafts knowledge (in case you don't have one, then use your jazzy phone to call one of your kindergarten cousins for help!) to make boats out of those sheets. Statistically speaking, the number of boats that you make should be equal to the number of sheets that you tore (But don't worry about statistics now...that's for the other people listening to the presentation). Anyways, once you make suitable number of boats, number them starting from 1 and write the numbers on the back of each boat. Now pass one boat to each of the people sitting in the meeting and ask them to hold the boat upside down and see the number.

Once they see the number, ask them to memorize it. This step is important as this is the point where in, they will stop listening to the guy giving the presentation and start concentrating on your boats. Once all of them seemed to have memorized their numbers, take back the boats and shuffle them. Again pass the boats to each of them and ask to see if any of them have got the same number again, If they have, then they are out and they can no longer participate in this game but instead have to go back to listening to the presentation.

Continue game until only one person is left or the meeting time is over. Whichever comes first.

Note: For increased participation, clearly tell them what the losers have to do. You will automatically see a dramatic increase in the number of people getting different boat numbers each time!

5.
If you still haven't, then go and get that pen and book........NOW!

GO TO STEP1;

END;

p.s: Thought of this post while sitting in one such boring meetings. Hope you guys will find this useful some day :D

What Lies Beneath! - A True Story

Preface: A Sindhi Affair!

Before we get to the crux of this POST(which is well highlighted in the title), let me try to give this post a proper start!

Recently, me and three of my friends traveled all the way from Bangalore to Athani (Near Bijapur) to attend one of our best friend's wedding. The wedding must have been a typical Sindhi Affair (I say must have been because I don't have any other reference Sindhi wedding to compare it against!) given the fact both the grooms and both the brides were Sindhis and what better way to marry off Sindhis than to have a typical Sindhi wedding (wah!). Forgive my poor jokes for my humor is broke!


For those of you who read past my humour, you might have noticed that I mentioned two grooms and two brides? Yes, this wedding was very unique from all the other few weddings that I have attended. This was a wedding of two brothers (with different brides of course) one of whom was our best friend.

There you go! Now isn't that a proper start? Nope? I know I know. I am a little rusty. Please bear with me. Let's see if I can capture your attention for a little more time....

Note: The following is a chance discovery of cleverly concealed deceptions and untold truths by a group of smart, intelligent, inquisitive and curious youths. Any resemblance to any other similar discoveries made by anyone else in the world should be treated as heights of coincidence!

The Secrets of the Tomb!


The four of us left Bangalore on Friday night and reached Bijapur on Saturday Morning. We finished up our breakfast and, since the wedding ceremonies were to start only in the evening, we decided we had enough time to visit the world famous Gol Gumbaz. So, the four of us took(I mean boarded) an autorickshaw and arrived at Gol Gumbaz, just like any other normal tourists, completely oblivious to the mysteries that destiny would have us unravel.


"Gol Gumbaz is the mausoleum of Mohammed Adil Shah (1627-57) of the Adil Shahi dynasty of Indian sultans, who ruled the Sultanate of Bijapur from 1490 to 1686."


Well that is what Adil Shah wanted everyone to believe. But I am about to reveal to you, one of the best kept secrets of the world. The catastrophes that would befall on the four of us for revealing this secret, is unknown. But in the spirit of RTIA(Right to Information Act 2005) and a general sense of VALIANCE, we have decided to brave all the bad omens (some of which include ,us turning into pigs, us getting mauled by angry cows etc.. ) and share this secret with you........

Real Identity of Adil Shah... Or shall we say Adil Shahi?


When we entered the main edifice of Gol Gumbaz that was the tomb, undercurrents of skepticism crept up into the deep recesses of our inquisitive minds and slowly but surely we became convinced that something was not quite right.
For instance:

1. The actual tomb that was present in the center was too small for Adil Shah (as we would discover after seeing his pictures later).
2. There were these openings in the floor which revealed a huge Cellar underneath (if it was indeed a tomb, then why a cellar underneath? Unless.......yeah i know.... what? oh yeah.. unless they wanted enough space underneath to visit the tomb once in a while.. more on this later...)
3. The Whispering Gallery on the Top of the dome (the one in which even whispers can be heard from one end to the other end) was very out of place for a mausoleum. Later we found out that this was built so as to divert attention from a different place (again..more on this later)

The reasons were there..not apparent to the naked eyes may be, but these were evidence enough for keen observers like us to question the authenticity of information in the history books(it's a different thing that no one remembers them anyway.. but still!).


After having left the Gol Gumbaz with potent skepticism, we were walking back to the gates, when by sheer chance, we spotted the Archaeological Museum which was conveniently hidden away in front of the Gol Gumbaz. All of us unanimously decided to venture into the depths of this museum in the hope of discovering (or rather re-discovering) the truths of the Tomb.
What followed next was a series of revelations in the form of hidden clues in symbols, pictures, crockery, paintings, maps, stone statues etc....The first of these clues was an engraving that we saw etched into some of the stone statues. Here is a rough sketch of what we saw:

I know it is a little hard to understand for us non-artists given the abstract nature of the art, but let me try to give you a toned-down, simplistic explanation of the art. In-fact, we had more than one explanation for what these symbols represent:

1. On the Day of the Full Sun and Half Moon, go to the place where there is Linga and you will find your next clue.
2. The three symbols represent the three prominent religions/beliefs that were prevalent during the Adil Shahi period- Islam (crescent moon) , Hindu (Linga) and a third previously and currently unknown (Full moon.. a bit like Priori of Scion).

In fact, in one of the Historical Maps that was also showcased in the museum, we tried to find a place where there was Linga, but alas, there were none which matched the description from the symbols.Just when we were thinking of giving up, we came across this Advanced version of the symbols in a few of the stone structures:

I say Advanced because of the addition of living creatures into what is primarily a metaphorical symbolism of non-living..err...things. What captured our attention was the striking disparity between the features of the mama animal and the baby animal. The mama animal looked like a one-horned Unicorn while the baby animal looked like a fusion of various different forms of creatures. This horrifying image was our clue#1.

We then moved onto the first floor, the technicolor images of the mama & baby animal still firmly etched in our minds, when we happened to discover the painting of Chand BiBi - the apparent wife of Adil Shah. Rahul, one of my fellow aficionados in mystery fictions, pointed out the slightly mannish features of the person in the painting. Also, the name Chand had a resonating effect in our minds. Could this be a subtle reference to the symbol of Crescent Moon ? This was our clue#2.

Finally after covering almost the entire first floor, we came across the Armor section, where, to our utter shock and disbelief, was displayed the Armor of Adil Shah.

It was a women's Armor!

The shape, size and indention at curious spots were unmistakable. It was indeed a women's Armor. This formed our final clue - clue#3.

As we were getting down from the first floor of the Museum, we put our heads together and tried to crack all the clues.

Clue #1: Baby Animal looking out of place and different from Mama Animal

Clue #2: Chand Bibi the apparent wife of Adil Shah had slightly mannish but mainly womannish features as pointed out in the pics.

Clue #3: Women's Armor for Adil Shah.

We put two and two together (actually 1, 2 and 3 together) and...... the conclusion was ground breaking and unanimous..... Adil Shah was not Adil Shah. He was in fact Adil Shahi!

There was no Chand Bibi. It was a fictitious character created to hide the ignominy that would destroy the Shahis. We confirmed this by looking at the Family Tree of the Shahis. What we saw there was both shocking and substantiating at the same time. Below Adil Shah, we saw entries marked D, D, S , S which was an abbreviation for Daughters and Sons UNKNOWN!

We ran back down to the ground floor and looked all around to see if there were any more clues, any more leads, anything that would lead us to the final truth of this whole Masquerade and lo behold, standing right at the center of the museum was a 20 feet long majestic cylindrical structure (mimicking a rather rotund woman) - THE TRUE TOMB OF ADIL SHAHI a.k.a CHAND BIBI!

We had tears in our eyes. We looked at each other in both amazement and a sense of elation. We slowly walked out of the Museum with a new found knowledge and rib cracking laughters...

Epilogue:

As I post this today, I don't know what fate holds out for me. I don't know if what I did is right or wrong. I just wanted to share this information with all of you irrespective of the consequences. If ever, the bad omens catch up to me and I turn into a pig or get mauled by a cow, promise me that you will pass this information onto more people. Because pigs can get rather lonely :D

Disclaimer: A work of pure fiction and non-sensical imagination. If I have offended the sentiments of anyone, I apologize.