It's a battle of free will. It's a battle for free will.

In the darkest corner of my mind,
Lives a demon not so kind,
Seething with anger, breathing with angst,
Waiting to break the barriers of patience and trust.

Living in harmony with him,
Are my memories, the bad ones that is,
And an evil called temper, shows up on whim,
Together they seek to call my bluff - my inner peace.

With weapons of outbursts and silence that is poison,
They show their presence felt every time I see a horizon,
Go back to my shell I do when that happens,
Recluse is not just a word, but my world when that happens.

My mind churns out thoughts not so sublime,
Clouding my senses with dreams of nickle and dime,
Eating away what's left of my self respect,
Killing all the ideals, and principles of mine.

I fight hard to hold onto to those beliefs I have,
Of respect and honor, honesty and love,
Of the greatness of good and the goodness of great,
Of friendship, life and living it full.

Oh god I pray to thee, give me the power to be,
What I want to be, and not what others want me to be,
Grant me this one gift that I will,
And all I'm willing for is My Free Will.

I have always been kind of a loner. Not in the true sense of the word, but still my thoughts have always been different from others. I hate the "herd mentality", that feeling of going with the flow, pleasing others and living like others and seeking someone's approval. I, like many, have been fighting with myself, and with the conflicts in my mind, to maintain my individuality. I know this is a constant battle we wage, in our minds, with this whole world.

It's a battle of free will. It's a battle for free will.

Dreamgirl

I wake up to the ending note of this song,
The song that my dreams are made of.
In that lives an angel of mine,
Has hummed her way into my heart, she has.

She talks to me of things I want to listen,
And some that she wants to be heard for,
Of things that may not make sense to all,
But all the sense in the world for me they are.

She sings to me in the sweetest of voices,
Her words carry the deepest meaning of all,
And as she pauses to take a breath so precious,
The world freezes in time as if to take a bow.

She holds my hand and leads me on a walk,
Under a moonlit sky where the stars do stalk,
Each step we take reaffirms my faith in love and fate,
She pledges herself to me, Says she's forever mine.

But then I wake up and realize the song has ended,
And I'm sad that the angel has gone.
But then I realize my search also has ended,
And I'm glad I've found my angel, baby, You're the one.

The Window to my Life

‘I can see light!’ exclaimed he with delight,
The joy on his face was worth all days that were night.
After a long time had his lips curved the other way around,
He had found his window after an ordeal of solitude-abound.

The light was inviting and carried with it a luring vision,
A vision that bespoke of ever lasting happiness and fun,
Of long walks, cosy dinners and night strolls,
Of adoring looks, sweet talks and friendly brawls.

The light was hope, that which he had given up on,
A hope that glimmered, leaving the darkness bygone.
It was hope, that which he had banished from his heart,
A hope that flickered the feelings of being torn apart.

The wind played its part by gently nudging him forward,
‘Take a look outside’, it whispered without speaking a word.
He heeded to the voice that echoed in his ears,
And slowly began to erase the memories and fears.

As he inched closer and closer to the light,
He could see more and more of life with each sight.
As he cradled the sill, he took in the vision in all its bright,
Atlast the light was in him for he was in light.

‘I can see light!’ exclaimed he with delight,
The joy on his face was worth all the days that were night.
After a long time had his lips curved the other way around,
He had found his window after an ordeal of solitude-abound.

This poem is an alter-emotion to the earlier poem called Solitude. While Solitude talked of the darker days in my life, in this poem I have tried to capture the transition from solitude to light. Hope you liked it!

The Dance of Fall

Note:

Falling leaves have always captured my attention. In fact, one of my favorite opening phrase (which given a chance, I would use in every single poem!) has always been 'As the wind blows', which again is closely tied to my fascination with falling leaves. By now, you guys are well aware of my absurdities, so it should come as no surprise to you that I decided to write a poem on falling leaves..I have used simple metaphors to bring out the irony of the "falling" leaves' "rejoice"... You will have to make that connection to truly appreciate this poem :)

[Photo Courtesy: Google Image Search]

The leaves merry around the swiveling air,
Dancing to the tune that he prepares,
Seemingly blissful in their joyful yonder,
They do make me yearn in sinful wonder.

There is a certain rejoice in their fall,
As though all the time in this world is theirs to stall,
And with a grace matched only by their sway,
They dance to the rhythm, while death keeps at bay.

A sudden gush lifts them up to greater heights,
They feel all lighter, much to their delights,
They brush aside wisps of dust off their backs,
And fly higher and higher, mimicking the windy clacks.

But then strikes death with a sudden whip,
The wind beneath them moves on, giving them a slip,
They dance their last dance as they sway their last sway,
And their last few steps, they just wiggle away.

As I watch them gently touch ground,
I can't help but gape and wonder astound,
"If a leaf can enjoy it's brief freedom with such gusto,
Why cant't we enjoy ours, with much the same glow?"

There is a lesson to be learnt by us all,
From the leaves that dance while they fall,
If we could smile our way through worries and stand tall,
Then we would have learnt that dance - "The Dance of Fall".

Solitude

[Photo Courtesy: Chandan]

My days are lost in thoughts off late,
Searching for ways for this pain to abate,
My needs are strong, my pain is real,
Lest you think this is all surreal.

As each day passes by with my cries unheard,
The darkness creeps in on me; the light is withered,
Flashing images of days gone by,
Keeps me sane, on these lonely nights.

As I walk on with my gait strayed in line,
My gaze wanders searching for a friend near by,
As I turn back my hope fades away,
For I have lost even my shadow, somewhere on the way.

Alone I sit and stare at the mirror,
Perhaps hoping for another reflection to appear,
Standing by my side whilst I stare into those eyes,
A ray of hope gleaming from those into mine.

A life such as mine sans all fanfare,
Hollows out when turned inside out,
My thoughts are strayed and life's in despair,
Live I do, in fear of solitude.

Mon Bon Ami

My cheeks are soaked with tears dropping nigh,
The eyes are sore from an anguish cry,
Is this the beginning of a rift from thy?
Ask myself I do, as each day passes by.

For this is a hardship , that I can't face,
Too weak I am, to let it grace,
Remember I do, of those good old days,
When thy would accept my sinful ways.

Don't let this sin of mine cloud your senses,
For sinned I have, but didn't mean no offenses,
Hurt you, I may've, with my actions so frayed,
But remember my friend, we have crossed those fences.

This is my last forlorn effort towards redemption,
Tell me my friend what is your presumption.
Are we still good, ol' friend of mine?
I shall promise thy, never again shall I cross the line.

You can't break me

You can try as hard as you may,
My will is too strong to give away,
I have fought many a demons in my life,
Humbled and defeated,in my past they lie.

Not long ago in the past,
At its peak was my chagrin in you,
For all the hardshsips thrown at me,
Thought I, that a befitting reply was due.

The harships I've faced has thickened my skin,
Grown I have accustomed to your ways,
May be there is a meaning to all that you do,
It's essence is what gives me hope of better days.

So bring it on , I shall bear no grudge,
Ready I am, to face the full brunt of your force,
Let the mind games begin,
After all, it's high time I settle some scores.

In time I shall be strong enough to stand up to you,
Look you in the eye without a twitch,
And with the utmost conviction shall I say,
"You can't break me, try as hard as you may".


A small attempt to depict the conflict of my mind. One part of me has exuberant confidence whereas the other side still is lost in an ocean of self doubt and low self confidence. This is a conversation that my stronger side is having with my weaker side. A little of coming out of a shell you see :) I hope you liked it.

Dark Angel

I am willing to let go and fall into your arms,
Help me free myself from the worldly harms,
Take me as I am, take me now,
To your deathly gallows, I shall bow.

Rescue me from this haunted state,
Wipe my tears for this pain to abate,
Make them suffer your wrath,
They have pushed me too far, they hath.

There is pain running through my veins,
Their betrayal is worst than the blood stains,
I killed for them, took many a innocent life,
Only to leave behind many a widowed wife.

I repent my sins, for it’s of the worst kind,
Their web of lies had left me blind,
I thought this was a fight for a noble cause,
And a few innocent lives, were no one’s loss.

Little did I realize that it was all a big sham,
The cause was only as noble as I am,
Abused to spread terror around the world,
They walked this earth with their souls sold.

At last I have repaid my debts to the widowed wives,
By killing those with the soul-less lives,
It’s time for me to call it a day,
I want to reach you, show me the way,
Oh the blessed Dark Angel of mine,

Where art thou? Just give me a sign.

The above poem describes the last thoughts of a terrorist. He is seeking the Dark angel - which is the Angel of death, because he knows his time has come. For all the sins he committed, spreading violence, motivated by a fanatically advocated hatred, he realizes his mistakes and tries to redeem his soul by killing the perpetrators of that hatred - those who instilled it in him and brainwashed him into a walking assassin devoid of any emotion.

As the Wind blows

As the wind blows,
Memories seep in to my mind,
Of all those moments we shared,
Full of love and kind.

Under the moonlight we walked the beach,
You held my hand and made sweet talk,
I was in bliss,for you were at my reach,
I shall never forget that special walk.

As the leaves start to fall,
I can't help but weep,
Reminded I am, of your last call,
And the promise which you failed to keep.

Under the shade we used to sit,
Planning our future amidst fallen leaves,
Sharing our thoughts on life and love,
Thinking of fate and what it weaves.

As the rain pours down,

Tiny droplets of tears run down your daughter's cheek,
Her mother,now long gone,

C'oz of which her spirit has gone bleak.

Under the shelter, we watched the rain,
Giving into our passion we embraced,
That first kiss we shared still lingers on my lips,
That thought is the only thing which abates my pain.

As the sun shines bright,
I am reminded of the good times we had,

The magic of those moments,
When the three of us looked set right.

Under the roof, we played,
We fought and shouted at each other's face,
Together we smiled and together we lived,
Now that you left us, it's not the same place.

As the wind blows,
Memories seep in to my mind,
Of all those moments we shared,
Full of love and kind.

The cry of a Father

I can see her hiding in the dark,
Her eyes give her away with that spark,
She has seen the worse that a girl can bear,
And has lost her faith in Love and Care,
I reached her and turned around her face,
Only to see her weeping , her eyes full of grimace.

The feeling's so real, it breaks my heart
If it weren't for her, I would fall apart,
Like a sunshine she brings that glare,
With those eyes , when she stares
Her face so soft ruined by scars so deep,
I can't help but start to weep.

Oh my child, Why did this happen to thee?
Your beautiful smile no more there to see,
How I wish to stop your tears and see you smile again,
To let you sleep on my arm and vanish your pain,
How I wish I could take away your pain,
Only my prayers went in vain.

But I promise to thee ,I shall make you see life again,
And make no one treat you with disdain,
Believe me my child, when I say
Your beauty is here to stay.