My Innermost Thoughts - PART IV : Is the grass greener elsewhere?

Chapter 1 : The Present Day

Defintion:

COW:

Cattle, colloquially referred to as cows (though technically cow refers only to female bovines), are domesticated ungulates, a member of the subfamily Bovinae of the family Bovidae. They are raised as livestock for meat (called beef and veal), dairy products (milk), leather and as draft animals (pulling carts, plows and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are honored in religious ceremonies and revered. It is estimated that there are 1.3 billion cattle in the world today

Software Engineer:

Code coolies, colloquially referred to as software engineers (though engineer is just a reference to a marginally held degree), are domesticated “primates”, a member of the subfamily Homosapiens. They are raised as livestock for work (called code and project), daily labor (billed per hour) and as draft animals (pressing keys, staring at monitor and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are honored in “virtual” ceremonies and neglected. It is estimated that there are potentially infinite software engineers in India today.

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Scene 1: Somewhere near the greener pastures…..

As the sun rises above the horizon, the cows wake up and “moo” in unison. They realize what lies ahead of them. The milkman enters with an empty canister and a yawn on his face. He bends down on his knees, rolls up his sleeves and starts milking the cows. He fills up the canister but he is not satisfied. He wants more milk, as greed is thoroughly rooted in his mind. He gets more empty vessels and milks them high and dry leaving them exhausted.

The cows watch him leave and breathe a sigh of relief. They again moo in unison, but this time in premature joy. After a while the milkman enters again. He is angry as hell for the milk was diluted. Sensing his anger the cows moo again. They all have the same thoughts in their bovine minds: “Well, that is what you get, if you feed us so lame”. He shouts at them and brings the canister again. Then the circus starts all over again.

Scene 2: Everywhere else where the pastures were greener before….

As the sun rises above the horizon, the techies enter their cubicles and “sigh” in unison. They realize what lies ahead of them. The Manager enters with an empty thought and a frown on his face. He stands on his toes, cracks his knuckles, and starts assigning work to the techies. He fills up his daily work allocation but he is not satisfied. He wants more work to be done, as “his appraisal” is thoroughly rooted in his Head (note the absence of Mind here :D). He assigns more work and milks them high and dry leaving them exhausted, suffocated and depressed.

The techies watch him leave and breathe a sigh of relief. They again sigh in unison, but this time in premature joy. After a few seconds the Manager enters again. He is angry as hell for yesterday’s work was undocumented. Sensing his anger the techies sigh again. They all have the same thoughts in their “half fried” minds: “Well, that is what you get, if you lead us so lame”. He shouts at them and assigns some more work again. Then the circus starts all over again.

To be continued…..

Ps: Click here for more such Inner thoughts...

Solitude

[Photo Courtesy: Chandan]

My days are lost in thoughts off late,
Searching for ways for this pain to abate,
My needs are strong, my pain is real,
Lest you think this is all surreal.

As each day passes by with my cries unheard,
The darkness creeps in on me; the light is withered,
Flashing images of days gone by,
Keeps me sane, on these lonely nights.

As I walk on with my gait strayed in line,
My gaze wanders searching for a friend near by,
As I turn back my hope fades away,
For I have lost even my shadow, somewhere on the way.

Alone I sit and stare at the mirror,
Perhaps hoping for another reflection to appear,
Standing by my side whilst I stare into those eyes,
A ray of hope gleaming from those into mine.

A life such as mine sans all fanfare,
Hollows out when turned inside out,
My thoughts are strayed and life's in despair,
Live I do, in fear of solitude.

Mon Bon Ami

My cheeks are soaked with tears dropping nigh,
The eyes are sore from an anguish cry,
Is this the beginning of a rift from thy?
Ask myself I do, as each day passes by.

For this is a hardship , that I can't face,
Too weak I am, to let it grace,
Remember I do, of those good old days,
When thy would accept my sinful ways.

Don't let this sin of mine cloud your senses,
For sinned I have, but didn't mean no offenses,
Hurt you, I may've, with my actions so frayed,
But remember my friend, we have crossed those fences.

This is my last forlorn effort towards redemption,
Tell me my friend what is your presumption.
Are we still good, ol' friend of mine?
I shall promise thy, never again shall I cross the line.

You can't break me

You can try as hard as you may,
My will is too strong to give away,
I have fought many a demons in my life,
Humbled and defeated,in my past they lie.

Not long ago in the past,
At its peak was my chagrin in you,
For all the hardshsips thrown at me,
Thought I, that a befitting reply was due.

The harships I've faced has thickened my skin,
Grown I have accustomed to your ways,
May be there is a meaning to all that you do,
It's essence is what gives me hope of better days.

So bring it on , I shall bear no grudge,
Ready I am, to face the full brunt of your force,
Let the mind games begin,
After all, it's high time I settle some scores.

In time I shall be strong enough to stand up to you,
Look you in the eye without a twitch,
And with the utmost conviction shall I say,
"You can't break me, try as hard as you may".


A small attempt to depict the conflict of my mind. One part of me has exuberant confidence whereas the other side still is lost in an ocean of self doubt and low self confidence. This is a conversation that my stronger side is having with my weaker side. A little of coming out of a shell you see :) I hope you liked it.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part III : Mind of a confused soul

~ Mind Over matter ~

The secret of living a life of excellence is merely a matter of thinking thoughts of excellence. Really, it's a matter of programming our minds with the kind of information that will set us free. - Charles R. Swindoll

[Caution: Extreme philosophy. Not for the light hearted or my blog haters. Criticism is welcome as long as it is unbiased and by that I mean in my favor :)]

"There is an unruly feeling in the crowd. They can be found most of the time staring blankly at their screens. The ocassional click of the mouse is the only thing which signals that they are still alive. The pressure of performance is showing on their faces. This is a do or die situation for an otherwise easy-come-easy-go merry making kinds. The time has come to prove a point and they can't seem to map that point anywhere on the graph because the graph is so vast that there is a problem of plenty(of points). Even after mapping the point, there is that fear of the point becoming obscured and slowly growing itself to encompass other points ,thus widening the focus required.The only consolation they have is the faith and belief in the system which has proven time and again that failures are accepted,albeit once."

Sounds philosophical? It is far from it. This is a scenario of a typical Software company when freshers join and are slowly bridging the gaps to cross over from college life to professional life. Imagine yourself to be standing in front of a hundred new recruits and looking at their unsure faces and trying to make sense out of the awkwardness they are feeling about the whole situation. They are being "trained" to be Professionals and you are imparting that training. Sounds scary? It's far from it..

I recently had this chance of being part of the learning program for the freshers and sharing some "Gyaan" that I have gathered in one year of my professional life. I know one year is a short time to pick up all the nuances of professionalism but it certainly was a very introspective experience for me. As I stood their, teaching them about what little I have managed to learn, I got a mixed feeling of "Deja Vu" and "Nostalgia". Not long ago I was at the other end ,wearing that same unsure-ness on my face and giving myself into the system trusting it to mould me into the person that I wanted to become. You can call this an act of faith , but I saw it as a pragmatic approach. Now I saw the same faith in them , in me, and that scared me a little. One year is indeed a very short time to map ourselves in the industry and without that clear mapping we ourselves are afraid to put faith in our abilities and knowledge. So seeing someone looking up to you for guidance , will certainly make you a little apprehensive but you will get over that after hearing to them gleefully expressing their gratitude and faith in you. So I was really surprised when I received the same from them after completing the training. It was a huge relief to me because the fear of performing was more in me than them. That fear had its roots deep in my mind and was subjugated to further growth due to lack of self belief. Overcoming this fear was a big challenge and I am happy that I have done that.This is one experience that I shall never forget in my life.

In a generic way this is a scenario which people face everyday in their lives. The sheer pressure of performance and that mindset of meeting other people's expectations, is the pulling force behind a person's feeling of worthlessness. Man goes through various phases in life and in each of these phases he is working for someone and meeting the needs of others around him. So when realization finally hits him hard in the face , it's too late to get back all the time spent in trying to be the one that others want him to be. An act of rebuilding once self esteem should not be the last forlorn effort. We should imbibe that into our list of virtues so that going forward in our lives, we don't feel lost. Then the points in the graph and the graph itself will become crystal clear to us and mapping ourselves to these points and seeing as to where we stand will be just a case of "Mind over matter".