Colors of Life

[Photo Courtesy : Google Image Search]

It is not always this colorful. There are times when it is a little bright, when the force of nature is strong enough to force open the crack a little. But that has happened only three or four times so far and I don’t see it happening again. Otherwise it is mostly pitch dark. Dark enough to be considered a night. But it’s been so long since I saw daylight, I have lost the sense of time. But not today…

I had woken up to a shrieking sound. It had been so loud that my ears had started hurting. My awakening senses had told me that it had been my own shriek. When I had realized why I shrieked it made me want to shriek all over again.

I can still remember that day. We were supposed to have dinner together at Leela’s. “Nothing fancy honey, Just a small dinner to celebrate our reunion” I had told her on the phone. I could almost see her beaming at the phone. She knew it would be anything but small. Last year, just before I left, she had asked me to give her something through which she can remember me by and I had decorated our entire living room wall with all our pictures – right from our college days till last week when we had been to Ooty for our honeymoon.

‘Every time you miss me, just look at these pictures and remember all the wonderful moments that we have shared together. And if you still miss me, then good. I will feel bad if you don’t !’

The look on her face when she saw that was more worth than anything that she could have given to me in return. If I knew that was the last time I would be looking at her face, then I would have looked at it a little longer.

It had been almost eight months since I had seen her and I couldn't wait to get back to her.

‘Small and you? That’s highly impossible… Huh? Your son says that daddy is lying’

‘Daughter, not son. I have told you it will be a daughter. And tell him… no her that daddy never lies. He just modifies the truth sometimes to surprise mommy!’

‘OK OK… It’s a daughter. Now keep the phone and get back here soon. We both are missing you’

‘Miss you too. See you tomorrow. Bye’

Click! That was the last thing I had said to her. ‘See you tomorrow’. That tomorrow is yet to come.

After that call I had boarded the ill-fated plane back to Bangalore. My smile must have stayed on after the call because people sitting next to me immediately responded to my look with a warm smile. I was still smiling when the first wave of turbulence started. None of us except the first timers gave it a second thought. Then a second wave started and I could see most of the passengers getting up from their sleep. But still none of us were concerned as this was common. Not necessarily good, but common.
Suddenly there was a crackling sound and the sound of air rushing in. Before we could react the body of the plane tilted and life inside the plane was thrown out of gear. The oxygen masks apparently had popped open but gravity was keeping it to the now upside down roof as the plane made full use of this new found freedom to fall free. During all of this a sharp piece of metal cut loose from somewhere and landed right into my face and my eyes were too dazed to react. A searing pain spread through my face and soon took over the whole of my body. I gave out a deathly shriek. My whole body started jerking desperately trying to free my still latched seat belt after realizing that my hands were stuck, but the belt wouldn't budge. Just as I was about to give up, the door gave way and a gush of air rushed into the plane sending a fresh panic wave to everyone inside. There was chaos everywhere as some of the seat belts cut loose and people were flayed from their seats and fell through the open door.

My seat belt suddenly cut loose and I started falling towards the door. I didn't care. All I wanted to do at that point in time was to cover my face. The pain was just unbearable. As soon as I lifted my hands to cover my face, I realized that I had gone right through the open door….


Looking back now, I think that was what saved me. If I hadn't fallen right through the open door, I wouldn't be here. Very few of us survived the crash And those who did, just barely made out alive. We were rescued by the Coast Guard and taken to the Navy hospital. The doctors said that I was lucky to have lived after that horrendous fall.

‘When that seat belt cut, you were a hundred feet above the sea. You fell from a hundred feet into the freezing sea and you survived. You know the chances of that happening? Zero. What can you call it other than a miracle?’

When I finally went home after a year of treatment and therapy, I couldn't be a happier person. I am home, I thought. After all that has happened, I am home. Every day since that has been a gift. And I keep telling myself that everyday lest I forget…

‘Daddy daddy.. See this drawing that I have done. Isn't it colorful..?’

‘Sweetie don’t you know that daddy cannot see? Why don’t you tell him what all you have drawn?’

‘Huh ok.. There is a garden and lots of flowers … Red roses, Yellow lilies and pink…..’

It had never been so colorful…. I knew that it would be as beautiful as my child’s face. How I wish I could see her face at least one time. May be next time I told to myself. May be next time the force of nature will be strong enough to open that crack a little more.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part V: Are we a generation with a lost cause? Probably not..

Our great grandpas and great grandmas would have been happy to hear this if they were still alive. Happy that we are lucky enough to live in a period which can safely be claimed as the most peaceful in recent times. What they would obviously miss to see is that, this is also the dullest in recent times. Now you might think ‘Well that’s not a bad thing, eh?’. It certainly isn’t. We are just talking about mundane work, routines which tend to take the word dull to new found levels and a life whose only purpose seems to be “to live through”!

As pragmatic a thought that it may be, it still leaves you with a sense of emptiness. It leaves you with a feeling of having missed out on something big and having lost that opportunity to be part of something grand and something which probably changed the world. That would make a story worth telling to your grand kids, wouldn’t it? Now just because I want to live through a life full of action and world changing moments doesn’t mean that I am wishing for another World War or another Tsunami. No doubt the Tsunami was one heck of a moment in our lives which would qualify as one among the top 10 list of stories that I would like to share with my grand kids. But would this be all? Sharing stories of natural calamities and how people died in them? In case I have failed to make my point yet, here it goes. I wish to live through a time where something revolutionary happened. Things like ‘Civilization - Harappa and Mohenjodaro’, ‘Industrial Revoution’, ‘Modernization’ and many more such events in history that can be remembered even now with awe. May be I have got it all wrong! These were not moments in history but rather an evolutionary phase spread across centuries. So may be we are living through one such phase in history.

But which phase would that be? A post modernization phase? Or going by the recent trends, an Oil Depletion phase perhaps? The most appropriate one would seem to be a ‘Global Warming’ phase. A phase where the whole of civilization became so power hungry that they depleted all the Oil in the World, ate all the plants and animals, cut down all the trees, drank all the water, and duplicated enough to have more people per square foot of land than the other way round. Yeah, this is probably what we will be remembered for.

I remember one of the jokes that my friends shared with me, which I would like to share here:
One of his lecturers had this habit of exaggerating everything. One day, the lecturer came to the class and told everyone how he had heroically fought a python. After the lecturer stopped with his version of the story, one of the “back bench” boys came up with this quick reply to the Professor: (conversation reconstructed)

Quick witted Boy: ‘Sir, I have seen two snakes fight with each other”
Professor: ‘Oh is it! Good, share it with us then.
Quick witted Boy: ‘The two snakes started eating each other’s tails and in the end both of them vanished!’
Professor:

I was just thinking of those two virtual snakes and relating those to people. With the third World War almost definitely thought to be for resources, it wouldn’t be long before people start fighting each other for food, water and shelter and worst even; turning to Cannibals. This is probably what we will be remembered for…

Did you say a lost cause? Well, we can start by fighting Global Warming.. That sounds like a cause to me.

A video on Global Warming

My Innermost Thoughts - PART IV : Is the grass greener elsewhere?

Chapter 2 : THE UPRISING - Revenge of the Cows

For those of you who have read my earlier article on an analogy between Cows and Software engineers, I am sure the article would have left a feeling of Deja-vu. Yes our routines seemingly take on the same form as the routine grazing of a cow. And yes, we do are required to yield more milk than we can provide to suffice the un-quenchable thirst of the Milkman. But take heart my dear friends, there is hope for us all. Just as Uma Thurman can dig her way out from 100 feet under the ground (Kill Bill anyone?), we can moo our way out of this work-trap with our bare errr….you better watch this video!

My Innermost Thoughts - PART IV : Is the grass greener elsewhere?

Chapter 1 : The Present Day

Defintion:

COW:

Cattle, colloquially referred to as cows (though technically cow refers only to female bovines), are domesticated ungulates, a member of the subfamily Bovinae of the family Bovidae. They are raised as livestock for meat (called beef and veal), dairy products (milk), leather and as draft animals (pulling carts, plows and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are honored in religious ceremonies and revered. It is estimated that there are 1.3 billion cattle in the world today

Software Engineer:

Code coolies, colloquially referred to as software engineers (though engineer is just a reference to a marginally held degree), are domesticated “primates”, a member of the subfamily Homosapiens. They are raised as livestock for work (called code and project), daily labor (billed per hour) and as draft animals (pressing keys, staring at monitor and the like). In some countries, such as India, they are honored in “virtual” ceremonies and neglected. It is estimated that there are potentially infinite software engineers in India today.

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Scene 1: Somewhere near the greener pastures…..

As the sun rises above the horizon, the cows wake up and “moo” in unison. They realize what lies ahead of them. The milkman enters with an empty canister and a yawn on his face. He bends down on his knees, rolls up his sleeves and starts milking the cows. He fills up the canister but he is not satisfied. He wants more milk, as greed is thoroughly rooted in his mind. He gets more empty vessels and milks them high and dry leaving them exhausted.

The cows watch him leave and breathe a sigh of relief. They again moo in unison, but this time in premature joy. After a while the milkman enters again. He is angry as hell for the milk was diluted. Sensing his anger the cows moo again. They all have the same thoughts in their bovine minds: “Well, that is what you get, if you feed us so lame”. He shouts at them and brings the canister again. Then the circus starts all over again.

Scene 2: Everywhere else where the pastures were greener before….

As the sun rises above the horizon, the techies enter their cubicles and “sigh” in unison. They realize what lies ahead of them. The Manager enters with an empty thought and a frown on his face. He stands on his toes, cracks his knuckles, and starts assigning work to the techies. He fills up his daily work allocation but he is not satisfied. He wants more work to be done, as “his appraisal” is thoroughly rooted in his Head (note the absence of Mind here :D). He assigns more work and milks them high and dry leaving them exhausted, suffocated and depressed.

The techies watch him leave and breathe a sigh of relief. They again sigh in unison, but this time in premature joy. After a few seconds the Manager enters again. He is angry as hell for yesterday’s work was undocumented. Sensing his anger the techies sigh again. They all have the same thoughts in their “half fried” minds: “Well, that is what you get, if you lead us so lame”. He shouts at them and assigns some more work again. Then the circus starts all over again.

To be continued…..

Ps: Click here for more such Inner thoughts...

Solitude

[Photo Courtesy: Chandan]

My days are lost in thoughts off late,
Searching for ways for this pain to abate,
My needs are strong, my pain is real,
Lest you think this is all surreal.

As each day passes by with my cries unheard,
The darkness creeps in on me; the light is withered,
Flashing images of days gone by,
Keeps me sane, on these lonely nights.

As I walk on with my gait strayed in line,
My gaze wanders searching for a friend near by,
As I turn back my hope fades away,
For I have lost even my shadow, somewhere on the way.

Alone I sit and stare at the mirror,
Perhaps hoping for another reflection to appear,
Standing by my side whilst I stare into those eyes,
A ray of hope gleaming from those into mine.

A life such as mine sans all fanfare,
Hollows out when turned inside out,
My thoughts are strayed and life's in despair,
Live I do, in fear of solitude.