Dark Angel

I am willing to let go and fall into your arms,
Help me free myself from the worldly harms,
Take me as I am, take me now,
To your deathly gallows, I shall bow.

Rescue me from this haunted state,
Wipe my tears for this pain to abate,
Make them suffer your wrath,
They have pushed me too far, they hath.

There is pain running through my veins,
Their betrayal is worst than the blood stains,
I killed for them, took many a innocent life,
Only to leave behind many a widowed wife.

I repent my sins, for it’s of the worst kind,
Their web of lies had left me blind,
I thought this was a fight for a noble cause,
And a few innocent lives, were no one’s loss.

Little did I realize that it was all a big sham,
The cause was only as noble as I am,
Abused to spread terror around the world,
They walked this earth with their souls sold.

At last I have repaid my debts to the widowed wives,
By killing those with the soul-less lives,
It’s time for me to call it a day,
I want to reach you, show me the way,
Oh the blessed Dark Angel of mine,

Where art thou? Just give me a sign.

The above poem describes the last thoughts of a terrorist. He is seeking the Dark angel - which is the Angel of death, because he knows his time has come. For all the sins he committed, spreading violence, motivated by a fanatically advocated hatred, he realizes his mistakes and tries to redeem his soul by killing the perpetrators of that hatred - those who instilled it in him and brainwashed him into a walking assassin devoid of any emotion.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part II : A virus called pretention

Man is a make-believe animal: he is never so truly himself as when he is acting a part.
-- William Hazlitt

What did you do this weekend?

Such a simple question to answer right? Not if you are 23 year old Software Engineer, with no personal life and who’s only pass time is writing blogs!

Every time somebody asks me this question, I feel this pang of guilt in my heart that I don’t let myself have a good time. So many times I have thought of forgetting about work and stress and just have a good time. And every time I have thought of it, I have either ended up in one of those malls watching stupid movies and eating overpriced food which otherwise I would have fed to a dog OR spending time with friends talking about things that 23 year old(or rather young) software engineers with no personal life talk about. The latter sounds good. But after 4 years of doing it you will get bored of the routine, trust me. So all this made me think (which is an occasional activity for my, an otherwise under-worked brain). What is the best possible way to enjoy myself in these brief (extremely brief I must say) weekends? Then after a lot of introspection over a "two minute" period, I finally concluded that the best way of enjoying my weekends is to do what I love the most. Now that was the first step, thinking of what to do. After this came the difficult part. You must understand, me being a true hot blooded 23 year old male, there are a lot of things I love. I guess “things” is not the proper way of putting it but you must have gotten the hint by now. Anyways coming back to the point, it was difficult to identify all the things I would love to do on a weekend. So this required me a lot of thinking (and I must add a lot of work for that under-worked brain of mine!). And voila! I came up with this extremely short list of things I wanted to do:

• Extreme rafting in dangerous water with swirling currents and high waterfalls….

Well I am sort of afraid of water and in general hate to be near any sort of current so I had to cancel this from the list.

• Bungee jumping or Sky diving

Sounds like fun and worth a try some time in future. But with a general fear of altitude and a slim paycheck I had to cancel this one too. Although it’s because of the latter cause and nothing to do with heights. I am a brave person and can overcome any fear, although a flying cockroach still scares me. I know it is a small creature who’s only fault is getting wings and learning how to fly (a feat that every human wishes to do), but it still scares the shit out of me whenever I see one. Anyways I have read somewhere that you should always fear something because the absence of fear makes a man thick headed. So my fear of cockroaches is in good spirit and for my own moral well being and I am proud to say that!

Now back to my lists.

• Be myself!

Well this one was interesting and it came out of nowhere. I dismissed it at first thinking how silly it was. Then as I moved on to write the next one on the list, I started to think. And then it hit me! This is what I would love to do all my life (and not just weekends). Be myself, be unpretentious. Come to think of it, the entire time you are at work, you are pretending to be someone else because you want to be that someone. You may be a fresher with absolutely no idea about how or why you were hired, but you pretend to be knowing everything and nod your head every time your supervisor explains something to you, because you want to be that person who knows everything (If given a chance you would love to be that supervisor who’s only work seems to be giving work to others and earns three times as you even though he is a half wit and can barely count numbers let alone supervise you). You unwillingly do some a** kissing with your supervisors and pretend to be all chubby with them because you want them to like you. All this pretension however has an adverse effect on your life because it slowly transforms you into your pretension. This may sound all philosophical and it partly is, but that doesn’t mean it is not true.

And as I sat there on my bed thinking of pretensions and how I can be myself atleast for two days of a week, a lot of ideas came to my mind.

And the best way seemed to be to write about it. Writing is something which I love to do the most and add “Being myself” and it seemed like a wonderful idea, spiritual even. Writing is such a pure way out and barring some extreme cases, is extremely unpretentious. I say extreme cases as there may be some people who get confused with life and fiction and dwell on the grey area in-between.

So I will continue to do what I love the most, being myself and writing about “being myself” and hope one day find a solution to life’s meaning………….. Nah! Let’s leave that part to the philosophers shall we ;)

As the Wind blows

As the wind blows,
Memories seep in to my mind,
Of all those moments we shared,
Full of love and kind.

Under the moonlight we walked the beach,
You held my hand and made sweet talk,
I was in bliss,for you were at my reach,
I shall never forget that special walk.

As the leaves start to fall,
I can't help but weep,
Reminded I am, of your last call,
And the promise which you failed to keep.

Under the shade we used to sit,
Planning our future amidst fallen leaves,
Sharing our thoughts on life and love,
Thinking of fate and what it weaves.

As the rain pours down,

Tiny droplets of tears run down your daughter's cheek,
Her mother,now long gone,

C'oz of which her spirit has gone bleak.

Under the shelter, we watched the rain,
Giving into our passion we embraced,
That first kiss we shared still lingers on my lips,
That thought is the only thing which abates my pain.

As the sun shines bright,
I am reminded of the good times we had,

The magic of those moments,
When the three of us looked set right.

Under the roof, we played,
We fought and shouted at each other's face,
Together we smiled and together we lived,
Now that you left us, it's not the same place.

As the wind blows,
Memories seep in to my mind,
Of all those moments we shared,
Full of love and kind.

The cry of a Father

I can see her hiding in the dark,
Her eyes give her away with that spark,
She has seen the worse that a girl can bear,
And has lost her faith in Love and Care,
I reached her and turned around her face,
Only to see her weeping , her eyes full of grimace.

The feeling's so real, it breaks my heart
If it weren't for her, I would fall apart,
Like a sunshine she brings that glare,
With those eyes , when she stares
Her face so soft ruined by scars so deep,
I can't help but start to weep.

Oh my child, Why did this happen to thee?
Your beautiful smile no more there to see,
How I wish to stop your tears and see you smile again,
To let you sleep on my arm and vanish your pain,
How I wish I could take away your pain,
Only my prayers went in vain.

But I promise to thee ,I shall make you see life again,
And make no one treat you with disdain,
Believe me my child, when I say
Your beauty is here to stay.

My Innermost Thoughts - Part I : Thinking of thoughts

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."
- Anonymous

As I begin to write this, I cannot help but wonder, is there something called "THOUGHTS"?

When people say 'I think' do they really think? If yes, then why are they not sure? They still say 'I think' as though they are still in doubt about what they think. If they are so sure about what they think, then why don’t they just say ‘I know’? I don’t know, may be it’s just me. I have never really understood these vagaries of English. I am not even sure vagaries is the right word. Coming to the point, I think (Oops!) why we use the word is because that is exactly what sets us apart from the rest of the races. ‘We think’ and boy the things we think.

Now, when I started reading the above lines, I found that I have made a fundamental stand. I considered “thinking” and “thoughts” as being the same. I would like to justify my stand. What are thoughts? Aren’t they the things you keep wondering about and continuously judging what is right or wrong? Aren’t they the output of all the things you think through? These thoughts materialize out of all the thinking that has gone behind them. No wonder that people’s thoughts sometimes are above this world, as so much thinking goes behind it. Imagine a world where no one thinks. Everything happens just spontaneously. In that case you won’t be able to imagine as Imagination is a manifestation of our thinking. Clearly the world would be in total chaos. People’s decisions will be solely dependent on that point in time when those decisions are made. You shift that point to somewhere else in the axis and the decision will be different. There will not be any certainty in life. You won’t be able to distinguish between good and bad as these will be just a function of time. And besides , you won’t be able to judge anyway as judging requires you to think. And without that thought process , you are nothing but an abstract entity whose actions are dimensioned by time. To cut to the chase, all I want to say is this:

“We are blessed to be endowed with a brain that actually tells us that , even if you write crap, people will read it if you present it in the right way”.

I hope my thinking paid off!